I always try to preface my blog with where I currently am. Maybe physically, maybe emotionally. Then I realize I tend to be repetitive and I find myself clicking the backspace key until the page remains white and I can figure out my brain enough to come up with a sentence that Is actually interesting.
This time that didn’t work..
So I’m sitting in an empty white room that echoes terribly and makes me wish I was an artist painting a beautiful mural. But I’m not. Instead, in this room that smells a little like stinky feet, I can’t help but laugh. Not just a chuckle, I’m currently belly laughing as I think about the countless times this month I have sat in this exact spot while God has reminded me of just how brilliant He is and how not brilliant I can be.
You know, those moments when I have to realize I’m not God and God does a better job at being God than I do so I should just let him at it.
It’s so much better that way.
So I laugh because I want to cry a little, but I also want to laugh. And I also really want to be sitting on my big round comfy chair back in Texas watching movies with my family.
But I’m not, and I trust that God has a plan in that too.
Because this place that God has me is so Good.
It really is.
Wherever God calls you is really the best place you can be.
So I find myself in this room instead. My current “home” whatever that word has come to mean – I’m no longer sure.
It’s here.
It’s there.
Next weeks it's in Africa.
It’s where God is.
It’s confusing.
Anyways, I find myself here, home, praying about everything in between the dirt and the stars. Prayers about how I need God to fill me up, to be patient with me, to forgive me, and to love me. Then, I realize before I even asked for those things today he blessed me with them. Because somewhere in that brilliant head of His, He knew this girl would mess up. And I think He was even a little okay with it. Because I think He paid for it a long time ago on a cross and it covered everything.
You see, today is hard. That’s okay. These days come. And all I want is just the touch of God. For Him to touch my heart and make it whole.
I think He is also okay with the fact that I’m learning to need Him and want him more than any other thing in my life. I mean, He looks at me and sees me as worthy.. It’s a love that frazzles me in the best way. Everyday I try to figure it out, and instead I end up in a white echoing room laughing because I can’t.
But maybe I don’t need to figure it out this time.
I just need to trust it.
His love is good.
It’s so good.
And I can live in the fullness of it.
Today, that’s all I need to know.
That’s all we need to know.
