“From the head to the heart You take me on a journey of letting go and getting lost in You. There’s no shame in looking like a fool when I give you what I can’t keep and take a hold of YOU.”
So I have not intentionally waited this long to write a blog post about Training Camp, but here we are 12 days later and I am still riding the struggle bus to write this blog.
It is not for lack of things to write about…GOODNESS no. But rather, I have TOO much to write about. Training Camp BLEW my expectations out of the water, wrecked me, and transformed me all through this man named Jesus.
Let me tell you a little bit about it and Him…
I have been INCREDIBLY excited for the World Race even before I was ever accepted. I knew this would be a chance to finally pursue the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the world and see the Holy Spirit move. I knew this would be right in the will of God, Papa, as I now fondly call Him, because He commands us to go and make disciples.
However, as Training Camp was approaching, I have to be honest in saying that I was excited, but I was not confident. What I mean by that is I had been in a rather bizarre season with the Lord. I knew He was there, I knew He was real, I knew He “loved” me. And yet I was struggling to feel Him…I was struggling to know Him. I just felt really stuck.
Entering into Training Camp I had no expectations other than to hopefully grow closer to Jesus and be able to be around my other 42 squad mates…after all they are my family for the next year; pretty safe to say my bar was set pretty low. Oh what Papa loves to do with our mediocre expectations…
But I was still hesitant. So as the session of worship and teaching starts the first night, our enemy who is the father of lies whispers in my ear, “What makes you think this thing is going to be different? What makes you think ‘god’ is going to show up? He is withholding ‘himself’ from you and you know it.” As I heard my accuser speak these lies to me, I could not help but buy into them because they are my acquainted accusations.
I tried to push the thoughts back and worship. Worship was incredible, the teaching was incredible and even my squad was proving to be INCREDIBLE. And yet those lies…they lingered like an unwelcome friend. The first few days pass by and things are great. Other than sweating my flesh off, everything is getting better and better by the minute! But the lies are still there.
On the morning of our third day, our squad was going on a run. Well don’t you know that less than 2 minutes into our run, my ankle hits a root, rolls, and I hear CRACK! I hit the ground and close my eyes. I know that I have ruined this ankle without even bothering to look at it. Frustration and pain washes over me and all I can think is, “WHY ME?” All too swiftly, I hear the familiar voice, “Because ‘he’ is withholding ‘himself’ from you.” And the lie plagues me again.
After being carried to camp and icing my ankle, it was lovingly named “Keemy the kankle” because golly day, it was HUGE. My squad was incredibly helpful, patient, loving, long-suffering, and faithful with my injury. They were the hands and feet of Jesus to me in a big way. However, I was inwardly still so frustrated.
Why would Papa allow this when I am here to be active and to train? Why would He do this when I can hardly move and even sitting is painful? Does He want me to go home? Is He really withholding Himself from me…? I may have begun to adopt a lie that is NOT reflective of my Papa, but praise be to God that He does not allow such LIES to stand in His children.
That night in session we had a break out on the Holy Spirit and my heart began to stir. I felt in my soul that Papa allowed my ankle to be wounded so that He could show He can heal it…He wanted to flex His muscle. So I began to pray over and over and over and over that God would send someone to pray for my ankle to be healed. I actively began to rebuke the lie that Papa was withholding Himself and asked Him to show me Who He was.
After lots of prayer, sweet people began to appear and pray. Nothing. No pain gone, but my heart was lifted by God being faithful to bring people to pray for Keemy without me saying a word. Then after a brief period of time, I feel a little hand on my foot. I look down and see my sweet friend’s hand resting on my foot. Emily was praying for Keemy and she was not ceasing.
Moments later another woman, Jordan, came and began to pray. She asked me what happened and what my pain level was. I was honest and said ‘6’. She began to pray with Emily. She checked on it: nothing. They prayed some more. She checked on it: nothing. She and Emily were faithful and kept pressing in. Then she checked on it again.
This time when I moved my ankle the pain was distinctly lessened and I began to weep…My Papa was healing my ankle. Jordan and Emily kept praying and praying and praying and eventually my pain went from 6 to 4 to 2 to 1.
My pain went from a 6 to a 1…yes, you read that correctly. My ankle was literally healed before my eyes. I hadn’t made it up, I hadn’t imagined it…My Papa unleashed His power and my ankle was made new.
All I could do was sing and dance and run around…I literally was jumping up and down on an ankle that an hour before could not move and was in pain by simply existing. And I could not stop LAUGHING with JOY.
My Papa showed me through the injury and healing of my ankle that He is not like me. He does not hide Himself from me to tease me. He does not withhold Himself from me…for He gave me EVERYTHING when He gave me His son Jesus. God ripped the lie of the enemy right out of my life and He chose to do so through brief pain and adversity.
There are hundreds of other things I could tell you about what Papa did at training camp, but this blog post would be longer than it already is!! I cannot recount all the good God has done because it is too much. But I will recount how my Papa loved me enough to inflict some momentary discomfort for His greater good and glory. He does not and will never withhold Himself from me. So take that enemy; you’ve lost yet again.
“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
Psalm 84:11
***Side note: I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING SQUAD IN WR HISTORY. I know that’s a bold statement, but seriously. Those people are my people and they are already more dear to me than words can say. I am a blessed woman by them indeed***
