trust ˈtrəst (noun) : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship
(verb): to commit or place in one’s care or keeping
Thursday, 6 December 2007:
~A long, tiring day of ministry. We head to the construction site earlier than usual on less sleep than usual, only to be told there is not enough work left for us to do, but the ICM carpenters would complete what was left. So we sit. And we sit. We nap, play with village children, and read. Six hours later, we finally leave with Pastor Melissa to lead a Bible study of several of her church members.
Jenn speaks on a topic that continues to return to my ears: God’s wisdom is greater than man’s wisdom. God sees the big picture, and I must trust Him when I do not understand and cannot see what is happening. When I wrestle to wrap my mind around an issue and cannot grasp it, trust Him.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
(proverbs 3:5-6)
I am also asked to speak, and so I piggyback Jenn’s talk and begin to ask questions to the Filipino women before me: What does it look like to trust God? Why should we trust Him? How do we know we can trust Him?
~We arrive home from our long day, and I am instructed by Mark to check my email.
EMAIL #1: “Cameron, your support account is extremely low, and unless we receive your scholarship application within 48 hours and you raise $1800 before Christmas, we will be purchasing your plane ticket home and you will not complete the race.”
EMAIL #2: “Cameron, your cousin’s husband was found dead this morning.”
SERIOUSLY?! WHAT?! WHERE THE CRAP ARE YOU GOD?!
What about my family?
What about those two incredible kids, now without a father?
What about my grieving family, and what about how much I long to be there with them, to grieve with them?
Are they running to Your arms for comfort during this time?
Are You telling me to go home?
And if I choose to fight and stay on the race, will You provide this time?
Will you provide a miracle to bring in that money for myself and my teammates in the short 18-day-deadline we have been given?
What about all my efforts to raise support over the past year?
What about all the people who have already given all they can to support this mission?
What about all those prayers offered in faith?
What about the faith you have been reminding me to have?
Did it just not work?
Did I say the prayers wrong?
Was my faith not enough?
Am I not enough?
Are you even there?
What are you trying to teach me?…
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones.
And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in Peace.
God is awake.”
-Victor Hugo
I will wait for the LORD,
who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob.
I will put my trust in him.
Isaiah 8:17
