But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9
Tuesday morning we are met with fresh-baked banana bread and 4 bright red sung taos(Thai bus/taxis). We pile in people and packs and drive about 45 minutes outside the city. We arrive at a beautiful ranch and I instantly feel right at home. There is a pond, horses, dogs, trees everywhere, and mountains in the distance. Our squad leaders find a place for us to pitch our tents and then a few of us go on a expedition to find the lake. On our hunt for the lake we come across the owner of the property and his family out for a trail ride.
The property belongs to David Eubank. He is the founder of Free Burma Rangers (FBR). This is an organization that goes into Burma and helps internally displaced people. David, his wife Karen, and their three children spend the majority of their time in Burma. They are leaving to head back into Burma via China today. They will be hiking for up to three days to cross into Burma undetected at the border. We get a chance to hear from David and his wife Karen about what they do and it is truly amazing. Their passion for the people of Burma is inspiring. They take volunteers for the FBR from both inside and outside of Burma. They have only 3 requirements: you must read/write, you do it for love, and don’t run when others can’t run. While not everyone on their team is a follower of Christ, they are constantly advancing the Gospel. The love they are showing to this broken nation is being Jesus to each person they meet. While David Eubank speaks with us he says something that will stay with me this year and beyond: Never be led by fear or comfort. What would the world look like if we did not let our fears and our desire for comfort make our decisions for us? This year, I am continually trying to push the boundaries on fear and comfort.
We spend the rest of the day in training with the founder of Adventures in Missions, Seth Barnes. We then climb into our tents for the first time. Things are going well until about 4a.m. when I wake up to a noise. It sounds a bit like a crinkling of a Lays potato chip bag. At first I think it is rain. It is not rain. Then I think it is dirt or brush moving under my tent because I have rolled over. I stop moving. The sound does not stop. What could this be? I sit up on my sleeping pad. The sound continues. I momentarily panic. I grab my headlamp and check that nothing is inside my tent, which it is not. I slowly place my hand over the spot on the floor of my tent where the sound if coming from and it is moving. There is definitely something alive under my tent. Unable to fix this problem I do my best to fall back to sleep with pictures of giant beetles eating through my tent and engulfing my entire body floating through my head. The sounds continue until morning. I never do discover what was alive under my tent. We get up while the moon is still shining and are told we have 5 minutes to pack all our things. They’ll be no awards for speed given out today as it takes us 22 minutes. With our packs strapped on our backs we head out for a hike. We return to our camp spot after 30 minutes and split into two groups. We have just crossed the African border! I was not aware it was such a short walk away. Unfortunately, half of our packs got lost on our trip to Africa so we will have to share all of our belongings with each other until they arrive tomorrow. My pack didn’t get lost so I still have my things. I buddy up with Jay so we will share all of my things for the day.
Today’s training is focusing on going deep and grief journaling. We are supposed to ask ourselves: What great pains did I suffer? How did I feel? What are the consequences? Where were you in this situation God? What do I have to do to move on? This is hard for me. I don’t have a tragic story to share. I have been blessed with what I consider to be the greatest family in the entire world and although I have struggled through many things I have continued to see God work through each of those times. As I sit under a tree overlooking the lake I know what I should journal about. It is a simple question that sits in the back of my head all to often: Am I enough? God replies, “I chose you and you are always enough. You are my daughter whom I love.” I am led to read 1 Peter 2:9: But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
In the afternoon we have free time. I take a run and end at the lake where I jump in, feeling so refreshed. I thank God for giving me this moment. It is just what I need.
Thursday the rain comes. Thankfully we have packed our bags again and moved them to shelter. It is a day full of training and application. We pray over each other and ask God to give us a word for each of the squadmates in our small groups. I am struck that each prayer for me is exactly what I need to hear: God approves of you. You are loved by this group. Be open.
Thursday night we are allowed to sleep on the porch where we have been having our meetings, but we are only given a limited number of tiles and all 23 of us with our gear must fit in this space. We make it work.
Friday I wake up feeling discouraged. Maybe it is the rain that sprayed me in the middle of the night or the exhaustion of not sleeping well for the past week. We simulate being stuck in a bus station for hours and do some exercise, including a great dance party. My spirits are lifted for the moment. There is still plenty of time until breakfast so I read my Bible and go for a walk. As I walk I am honestly questioning why I am here. This process seems to be so easy for everyone else. They are all pouring open their souls, sharing their life stories, and continue crying buckets. For me, there are moments I must physically fight the urge to recoil. Is there a reason I left a job where I excelled to be in a place where I feel I am good at nothing? These feelings are compounded when we are put into groups for team building and I don’t connect. We have a break and I go for a run. I feel this is my only way to escape. As I am running I can hear God whisper, “Why are you running from me when you need to be running to me?” That’ll make you think.
In the afternoon we are put into different groups. I feel more comfortable in my new group and begin to settle into myself a bit more. Again I can see that God is at work and watching over me. We switch groups once more, but our group stays the same except for one person. Myself and one other girl are blindfolded and the rest of group instructs us how to set up a tent. This is challenging but fun. We are hoping they will announce our official teams tonight, but they do not. We do get to take over the kitchen for the night and make dinner, which is an exciting experience. The kitchen had some mini hot dogs that I got to boil over the stove. Not quite a Fenway Frank, but a little taste of America. In an epic surprise, some of the FBR guys who are staying on the property and preparing to go into Burma bring us the fixin’s for SMORES. Upon seeing the ingredients, I almost cry. I have only been gone for about 10 days and I am already missing American food. It will be a long 11 months. Rice, rice baby…
Saturday I sneak out of my tent early and go for a final run at the ranch. I take new path to the lake and stumble upon a cornfield. I am thankful for the reminder of home. The sky is so beautiful this morning. The rain has stopped sometime overnight and I can tell the clouds will break sometime today. I am grateful for a week spent in a beautiful place full of learning and the beginnings of new growth. We have another team activity this morning and it is with the same group as the one with the tent activity. I am hopeful this will be my team.
With lots of new knowledge in our brains and excitement in our hearts, we pack into the sung taos again and head back to the city.
Sending my love,
Cal
