They say this trip is supposed to be 11 countries in 11 months.
It was so much more then that. I think by the end the count was 18+ countries, and it did not end after 11 months.
I am still feeling repercussions from this wild adventure called the WorldRace.
When we apply to go on the WorldRace one of the questions asked us is, “Why is God Calling you onto the Mission Field?”
Over a year ago I responded, “I have run from this for too long, and it is time to accept God’s calling for me to enter the mission field”
I had thought God wanted me to teach and spread the ‘good news’ via works, miracles and whatnot. Ya’ know, the whole ‘being a follow of Jesus’ thing.
I remember at launch training, (right after they told us we would be in Spain for the final month), our leaders asked us to ask God what was one more thing we should give up.
EXPECTATIONS.
I heard it loud and clear.
‘Gosh God I thought I did give up my expectations for this year. I am just going to run a vlog and change the world with my awesomeness. That is it. But sure, I don’t expect this trip to be anything. Go ahead take my expectations, I give them to you.’
Ha. Caleb. You fool.
Here at the end, as I lay on my bed watching the blades on the ceiling fan rotate, I ponder the question, “Why DID God call me on the WorldRace?”
I think there are three major lessons that I have gleaned from this experience. Needless to say, I had no idea these were coming. They were met with resistance, stubbornness, mental wrestling, and fiery passion.
I can’t help of think of Abram’s first few experiences with God. God calls him to leave everything he knows. Following God into a new land, all on the hope of a promise, and the first thing Abram encounters is a famine.
lol. God.
Somebody once said that you learn more from your failures then your successes. Plus God is the master potter, right? Who shapes you into the person He has always known you to be. And He does this through conflict, strife, and by getting you to pick up your balls and do something.
(PS During this trip I also wanted to explore the dynamic between the masculine and God. There are lots of women on missions trips and in church. The feminine is well documented (aka God/Jesus pursues you and you are perfect just the way you are #thebrideofChrist). However the male perspective (even though most Bible stories are Male dominated) seems to be misunderstood culturally. So I am here to share my wisdom. (Ha. Idk if I could call it wisdom, these are conclusions I happened to stumble upon)
These are some reasons why God needed me to travel the world via the WR.
Risk-Taking
Through my 20s I had made calculated, safe choices for my future. None of which were my own wanting or desires. They were all made to please other people. Or worse, to make sure I would not be like certain people. Security was what I craved.
I also did not like the idea of failure. A+B=C, and it is easy as that. College, Masters, Internship, Job. I had positioned myself to secure the financial security I craved. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to not be starving. And thus to begin creating a life for myself.
My delusion was life did not start once I had achieved a level of success/security. Life was moving all around me. It had already started.
A string of ‘disasters’ and mental heath issues caused me to hit a hard reset.
What did I want?
Then the WorldRace was brought to my attention, and a whole new realm of possibilities began to be opened up to me.
Little did I know, the WorldRace would also be a string of unknowns. I thought for sure I would go to a new country, be surrounded by a variety of Christians, and do something I would be uncomfortable with. But I don’t think I grasped the scope of what God wanted me to go through.
I wanted to learn more about God, and the Divine provided a way for me to expand my understanding of what that is.
…it is funny, eventually you get accustom to the constant moving, giving spontaneous testimonies, and feedback.
For me the ‘Race had become a Heroes Journey. Abandonment, Death, Resurrection, and Walking It Out, just to do it all over again.
Abandonment, Death, Resurrection, and Walking It Out
Abandonment, Death, Resurrection, and Walking It Out
Abandonment, Death, Resurrection, and Walking It Out
Over and Over and Over again.
Not only in the physical, but the metaphysical. The psychological, and the spiritual aspects of myself were tested.
With each new thing that would happen, every random circumstance I would be thrust into the unknown, the uncertain, the dark cloud of the impossible.
Every time this would happen I would panic, breath, settle in and understand. This is not an easy process. This is gut wrenching. Having no idea how to navigate situations and circumstances. Having to resign your belief systems over and over again, learning to trust God (whatever that means)
With each now leap of faith into the uncertain, I gained a new confidence. Yes, I failed most times. Yes, it hurt like hell. Yes, it was the farthest thing from the security craving I was so accustomed to. But I loved it. I loved the pain. I loved the discovery. I loved the process.
And every time. No matter how many times I had went through this process. I still feel like a kid attempting to step off the 10m diving board. Hesitating. Breathing heavy. Preaching to himself.
But that is what I need. I was not intended to stay safe in the bubble of my tribe. I was meant to explore. I was meant to get dirty, make mistakes, and build with a vision.
I am sure most of you know I started a Video Blog when starting this trip. That was a step into the unknown. I had no clue what would happen. I had drive, a purpose, and vision. But I failed more often then I succeeded. And eventually the work paid off.
…
There is something to be gained from this world. We as men, are called to subdue and cultivate (according to the ancient jewish scriptures). We are called to build. We are called to step into the dark forest. We are called to adventure. We are called to face our dragons and lose. We are called to die.
Humility
Training Camp. I’ll never forget this. My squad mentor pulls me aside for a one-on-one, and ends up giving me some harsh feedback. Calling me cocky, prideful, and unrelateable. Later that evening, during a worship set, he pulls me aside and prays humility over me.
The process of risk-taking, the unknown, and wading through uncertainty caused me to have no need for my bravado. I was empty. Tossed against the rocks of turmoil (at least internal turmoil) till the only thing that remained was the raw elements of who Caleb was.
I no longer had wise-words-of-wisdom. I no longer could ‘speak into people’s lives’. I no longer knew the ‘right answers’
I was living in uncertainty, and therefore rarely could I tell which way was up, left, down or right.
I lost everything, intellectual that is.
I used my intellectual ability to elevate myself above others, to provide value to myself.
Gone.
Plus God stopped talking to me for 5 months.
(Gosh is this how Baptist’s feel all the time)
I died. Over and over again I died. This was humiliating. I could not solve problems, and in most cases I only exacerbated the problem.
Yet, in losing everything, I was free to just be me.
Leadership
Influence is something I have naturally carried throughout most of my life. I have this unique ability to make people feel at ease. It was helped me gain friends and excel in the workplace.
However, it doesn’t work when I am a cocky asshole. (Funny how that works)
Through the process of perpetually dying, the cocky asshole personality in me had no more room to breath.
Putting aside mask after mask, my true authentic-self rose to the surface.
It wasn’t pretty or easy, but with every new breath my authentic self become more secure and stronger.
The Bible talks about leadership as serving. Leading from behind. Servant style leadership.
Yet for the most part I would feel like Martha (in the Martha v Mary story, where Jesus scolds Martha). Trying to ‘be all things to all people’. Overworking myself. (This was Malawi for me).
However, when operating in my most authentic-self, trying/striving was never a thing. Everything just flowed. I did what needed to be done. I never looked for more ways to serve, or more work to be done. I was just me.
It is simple really. Yet also extremely complicated at the same time.
I found month after month, when I was myself, the natural attraction would come back. People would listen. People would care. People would be inspired.
I have come to learn a lot about myself in these 11+ months.
I have learned that I value being influential. That I do have something to share with the world.
That me being my authentically, vulnerably, courageous self does have an impact on the world around me.
When I do this, in my own unique way, the Spirit of Christ in me leaks out into the world around me.
And this is how Christ leads. Naturally.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN NOW?
Now what?
I ask myself the question regularly, and the answer is always the same.
Do What Ever You Want! The world is my oyster. Go out, take risks, fall down, stand back up, get beaten, rise again, move forward.
Upwards and Onwards.
Therefore I have decided to live out a backpack again and chase these GOD SIZED dreams.
SPOILER ALERT
I have moved to GA. I will intern with AIM in their marketing department for a few months before I leave again. A team has been assembled to film a documentary, and I have been chosen.
So I am going to leap into the unknown.
I do not feel at all prepared to be on this type of expedition. But it aligns with where I want to be.
And all I can do, is just be me.
Please take something from this. Take a risk. It doesn’t have to be big, and it doesn’t have to succeed. Unbox yourself. It is never too late.
PS. If it helps…I also have no idea what I am doing. And that is the fun part.
ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE!
THANKS FOR TAGGING ALONG! IT WAS MY PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU FOLLOW MY WORLDRACE EXPERIENCE.
