There comes a point in time where the universe forces you to reevaluate and reflect on everything you hold dear. Ideologies, theologies, perspectives and world views. This is the moment of doubt, of struggle, and of definition. Who are you? What do you believe and stand for? What are you going to do about it?
I knew this moment was coming. I knew I was walking into a mine field. I knew that I would be forced to evolve through this process.
The Philippines is a beautiful country, filled with beautiful people and an amazing culture. However, the community I am is extremely religious. I feel it is only fair to examine how they how they got to this point. From having conversations with different Pastors, who are more then eager to explain their situation to a foreign ‘missionary’, I learned the religious of the country.
The Philippines was first a Spanish Colony. The Spanish did not educate the indigenous peoples for fear they would use literacy to rise up against their conquers. The Spanish also brought with them the Roman Catholic tradition. Mix a heavy religious tradition with a lack of education and you have created a culture that is subservient. A culture who does not think for themselves. A culture that uses external models of governance and ritual as a framework to build a society around. The American’s liberated the Philippines after World War 2, and they brought with them education and the Holy Bible. As it was told to me, the three major American denominations divided the island into three major sections: Methodist, Baptist, and Presbyterian.
As the majority of the population was Catholic, with no education, they knew of Jesus but they we were more engrained with religious ritual then personal interaction with the Godhead. Here Pastors joke, ‘Catholic’s believe that reading the Bible will make you insane’. Ergo, by introducing the Philippine population to not only the figure head of Jesus, but the actual character of Jesus it can go a long way. Bringing grace, mercy, kindness, hope, the ability to stand back up and face the challenges of life again and again is life changing.
However, because of the Filipino mindset of not questioning authority, and embracing what ever they were handed with a religious fever, I feel as if the idols they mock the Catholics for having, they have replaced with the Bible.
It is like stepping into 1980’s Conservative American Bible Belt Christianity. Fire and Brimstone. The Chosen Elect. They are wrong, I am right. Black and White Christianity. Read the Bible religiously and that is how your relationship with God deepens. God only loves good people. Stay away from sinners. Jesus will come, sword protruding from this mouth, on a white horse, to decapitate the nonbeliever. Fear the Lord.
This breaks my heart. This is what I have been running from. This is the reason it has taken me such a long time to embrace my own Christianity. This is religion. This is what Jesus came to free us from. At least this is what I glean from the Gospels.
I understand how they got here. I can comprehend no matter what the power of the Holy Spirit will still move. I have seen it happen. God does not care about Bad Theology. God moves where and when He wants to. God is complete vulnerable in His relationship with humanity, and us as individuals. He exposes himself fully, and moves intimately amongst us. Like a dance. Leading, not forcefully, but gracefully.
So what is my purpose here? They want me to PREACH the GOSPEL. Unfortunately I think our versions of Gospel will be different. What is my Gospel? What is the good news?
This is my journey this month. To really discover what Jesus means to me.
I already feel like I float on fringe Christianity. It becomes hard to really share where I am at, to be authentically vulnerable with my team and squad first. Many of my ideas, lots of my research and experiences with God are outside of the evangelical mainstream. I doubt what the character of God is. I hear to many different things from too many different Christians. Yet I know God works and loves each different sect and individual. I know God has me here for a reason.
This is the month where I actually become a true Missionary.
