8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:8-10
God works in mysterious ways. He uses the ebb and flow of life to draw us closer to Him. He stands at the door and knocks, persistently, constantly knocking at our door, waiting to be invited in. Waiting to show us our true identity in Him, in Christ Jesus, so that we may come to know and understand who we are in Him. He calls us Sons and Daughters of the Most High. His ways are not our ways, and He knows us better then we know ourselves.
This is the journey I have been on for the last few years. Over the last half decade I have pushed myself like a slave driver to strive and achieve life goals. There was a lifestyle I wanted to achieve: something safe, something comfortable, something secure. These were ideals I believed I could achieve through a certain profession and industry. I believed if I pushed myself hard enough, I could achieve these goals, and then live out the next 50+ years of my life while my soul slowly died. Little did I know I was setting myself up for failure. I came incredibly close to achieving those goals, yet I do believed God intervened in my situation, closing that door extremely hard in my face.
I do not handle defeat well, and this defeat sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. I decided to pick up and move to Los Angeles, the City of Angels. I was going to metaphorically, leap in faith off this cliff into the unknown, and God would either give me wings and teach me how to fly or I would fall into oblivion. As days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months I had yet to sprout wings and the ground only seemed to get closer and closer, darkness began to envelop me. As I sat in my car on a dark stormy winter night over a year ago, crying out to God, I surrendered my plans for my future and gave Him permission to do with me as He pleased. God answered my plea, and allowed my world to be wrecked. The chaos that ensued sent me back home to Fresno.
I had always wanted to do mission work. I had always wanted to travel the world. Yet I had believed the lie that it was impossible. I had believed the smarter thing was to get plugged into a career, to suppress my dreams and ambitions for the sake of comfort and wealth. So when I surrendered to the Father again, I surrendered my need to be comfortable and financially secure. I had surrendered to His plan for me. I know the Father knows me better then I know myself, and I had to learn to trust Him.
However, I was in no condition to serve Him in my current state. He had to reprogram my thought patterns and my view of myself. He moved me into a place of rest for about 9 months. This concept of rest was incredibly foreign to me. It took months of me fighting and wrestling with God over my destiny and over my life, to finally learn how to trust in Him again. It was a complete reprograming of my brain and thought patterns. During this period of rest a good friend suggested I enroll in Welton Academy: Supernatural Bible School with him. I had read all of Dr. Jonathan Welton’s books before, before Welton became a Doctor, and right after I got baptized in the Holy Spirit. I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything, so I signed up and got plugged into a tiny group of 8 people all taking the courses together. It was here God began to activate me again. He began teaching me about sonship and identity again. How the Spirit works and moves again. As well as how I can be a leader in these groups. Along with forcing me to be still, the School really helped me land my feet on a firm foundation of who I am in relation to who God is. It was after this semester, during a Welton Academy filming in Southern California I was activated by Holy Spirit to move out of the season of rest, into a season of walking. It was after this I applied for the WorldRace again and was accepted.
We read the Bible, we listen to sermons, we watch YouTube videos and we ingest these amazing stories of how God has and is moving across the Earth. I read these stories, hear these testimonies and stand in awe of what God does. Like the child who imitates everything they see and hear, I want to have my own stories, my own adventures with God.
God is allowing me to follow my heart. He is allowing me to do what I have always dreamt of doing. When God looked into my heart He looked past all the superficial dreams and surface goals that would have set me up to gain respect in the realm of men. He looked in my heart and saw the dreams of my soul. He has allowed life to push me towards fulfilling that dream. To have my own mighty adventures with the Almighty. I do not know what they will look like, where they will take me, or what will happen. But I know I am ready and God is in control.
If you are reading this and you feel a connection in your Spirit please click the support me button.
This is something I can not do alone. This is something where I have to practice activating my Faith to trust that God is my provider. Please partner with me and my journey. Together we can watch God do amazing things.
