This has been an interesting week. Sunday was Easter, but having graduated, I no longer get vacation, and with my parents out of town, It sort of felt just like another Sunday. That was strange to me. But then I thought about how maybe I had put too much emphasis on Easter. It is just another Sunday. Because Jesus lives in me everyday, so everyday should be the celebration of Easter, right? Anyway, that was a little strange for me, but a good day none the less; I hung out with one of my favorite people ever that afternoon: Katharine Weislak. 🙂 I am honored to have her as a friend. That night, we had a little cookout at Amanda Frateschi's house for the Leaders on Fire class. I really enjoyed the time of worship and teaching we had; those guys are a blessing.
Monday was a very full day. I got breakfast with Paul Dennis, Andrew Hamilton, and Sam Brown. We talked about our upcoming trip to South America, and then spent some time catching up. That was great. Then, though, I had to run home to my parents' house and take care of some things for them. I then went to REI and met up with an old friend, Angie, who is helping me figure out my gear for the Race. Between Angie and my friend Liz, I think I'll be able to get it all down. From there, I drove out to Jubala in North Raleigh to catch up with Taylor Kiker (champion among men) for some discipleship time. Got there early and Skyped with Samantha Bryant about the Argentina trip! So excited (even if Skype tends to be way too frustrating to be useful). After that, I drove downtown to grab coffee with Kara Cecil, who I hadn't seen in years. That was a wonderful blessing; I love how with old friends, you can pick right back up where you left off, even if it has been forever. When we finished up, I had to run to Ignite Group at Adam and Anna's house. After a great time with the Lord and my incredible community, I came home, washed some dishes and packed up. I drove down to Oriental, North Carolina where my family has been working all week. I didn't get into the house there till almost two, but I had a really sweet time with the Lord on the drive down (and being the only person on HWY 70, I felt free to pray my crazy little heart out).
I got back into Raleigh this evening, but I spent most of the week down at the coast. My grandparents had this huge three-story house on the riverfront of the Neuse. It was hit pretty hard in the last hurricane, but being almost 130 years old, it survived. My parents have been doing a lot of remodeling, and my sister is on spring break, so I went down to help them with the renovations.
To the right is our view from the front porch:
So, as you can see, it's been a busy week.
But something happened Monday that I've really had to spend some time processing. I think I'd like to share that now.
While I was meeting up with Taylor, we were talking about the importance of Spiritual Multiplication and praying to see if there was anyone on God's heart for whom to believe for more. I clearly heard the phrase, I have more for Eric. "Taylor," I asked, "is there someone in either of the Bible Studies you lead named Eric?" He shrugged and told me that there is not. "Okay," I brushed off the failure to accurately hear God's voice. "That was probably just me. Nevermind!"
We went on with our conversation. After, as I summarized before, I left Jubala and went to meet Kara at Morning Times. I arrived about 45 minutes early, and after catching up with Lianne, who I ran into there, I sat down in a corner and started making some administrative calls to prepare for the South America trip.
Suddenly, I was keenly aware that I was being observed. I turned away from the window and smiled at the man who was clearly eavesdropping on my phone call and then continued talking to Mr. Preston about financial things.
When I hung up, he cut in. "So you're doing some traveling, huh?" I responded warmly and we struck up a conversation. Well, actually, he did most of the talking. He told me about all the places he has been in his 40ish years of living (he's spent time in most of the countries on my route, so he has a lot to say). After a while, he asked me if I was going to learn from the people, or what the purpose of my trip was. I explained that I was going to South America to build a church and partner with a local body there to do outreach, and then I told him about the program I was doing after that (the Race). He scoffed.
"How American of you to do a program," he told me, himself being American. "So do you consider yourself to be some kind of…missionary?" I answered in the affirmative and attempted to explain my heart in missions. I was cut off though, as he told me that he can't imagine the kind of arrogance it would take to go in to a culture that has existed for longer than my own and try to tell them how to do things. He told me that it was really offensive. He went on to tell me that he didn't want to put words in my mouth, but that trying to go convert others to my way of thinking was really innappropriate. I tried to tell him that conversion was not my main goal, but that loving others was.
I felt a mix of emotions welling up within me. On one side, I felt anger and wanted to defend myself, as he was directly and specifically attacking everything that I want to do with my life. On the other side, I felt the heart of God breaking as this man completely misunderstood His character. I felt Holy Spirit peace come over me, as I chose to silently let him have his say. I did explain that I felt that much of the Church had misrepresented Jesus, and that my main goal was to present His love and grace in the most authentic way I could. I still didn't get to say much. Then, though, I felt God's heart towards injustice weliling up within me and pour over. This man told me that India had gotten it right; that it was beautiful and peaceful, and he had spent the best years of his life there. But what of the untouchables? If their system is so unjust towards so many, is it arrogance to want justice for those who are doomed to die? What about Swaziland, where the animistic religions tell men that raping infants (the only virgins left) will cure them of AIDS? Is that arrogance, or is that the right thing to do?
His perspective of going and learning from them is really beautiful. It is my heart in a huge way. I think Westerners do tend to do more harm than good by barging in and bringing our culture and not just our Jesus. So I tried to explain that I agreed with him in many ways, but when it came to the obvious injustices of these places, where the kingdom of darkness has its hold fast, he shut down. When I talked about AIDS in Africa, and how I had been forever changed by my experience there, he not only looked away, he actually started reading a book to avoid the conversation.
I didn't know what to do. I knew I had come on too strong, but I knew that I was also not speaking my words. I had surrendered my words and the Spirit was totally speaking through me. At that point, Kara walked upstairst. I told him that I needed to go, because my friend had arrived. Before I left though, I sensed the Lord asking me to honor him and his experiences. I asked if he had any wisdom or advice for me as I began a life of travel.
"Keep an open mind," he told me. I thanked him and reached out to shake his hand.
"My name is Caleb, by the way."
"Eric." He responded. I was stunned. The Holiness of God fell on me in a profound way. I hadn't misheard. I just misunderstood. I walked away to meet Kara.
We made small talk for a few minutes as we caught up. Then, though, I asked her if I could take a second. I thought back over the conversation, and realized that I had totally acted in self-control. God spoke to my spirit and said that He was honored by my conversation. I didn't need to change his mind, but I did need to represent a different version of Jesus than he had encountered before. And I did it! I was patient like Jesus; I was loving and careful with my words. I didn't defend myself or argue with my accuser. I just loved, and when I had the chance, I modeled a much different version of Christianity than he was describing (and prescribing) to me.
God told me to write him a note. I spent some time praying, and felt God ask me to repent for the arrogance of the Church and for any hint of arrogance in my own conversation with Him. I repented for how Jesus' body didn't look, sound, or smell very much like Jesus. And then I spoke life to him. I told him that I felt that God had more for him, and encouraged him to keep an open mind in His journey of Faith. I believe God is totally going to be changing His perspective.
That was a really hard experience for me. I had never had someone so directly and blatantly tell me that what I am doing with my life is wrong. He didn't beat around the bush, he didn't just encourage me to get a job before that stuff, and to, you know…be responsible about it. He actually, as a complete stranger, told me that what I had surrendered my life to was offensive and arrogant. That stung. That stung really bad. But it also reminded me of the passage in John where Jesus encouraged them that they would be hated, but that it is okay. That was one of the first times that I have felt hated for my love of the Lord.
But in that moment, I felt God speak to me and tell me, "The road ahead is marked with suffering. But if you choose Me every time, then I will be glorified every time. And Jesus wins every time, so choosing Me is choosing worship and is choosing winning, even when that doesn't feel like what is happening."
I feel like I understand James' call to "consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds" in a way that I just didn't before. My life is radical. I'm okay with that. I have experienced trials (this being a more minor one, although profound for me) for my faith in Jesus and my expectancy of His Spirit to move. But my life is also becoming one that constantly blesses others. That's how Jesus was. Many people were blessed, but some hated Him very much. But I know that He has more for the Erics. He told me so!
God I ask you to give me more opportunities to bless people, and greater opportunities to change the perspectives and hearts of the haterz (haha). Amen.
PS: If you haven't gotten to read my post about finances and ways to partner with me for this, please check it out! Click Here!
