I feel like God changed me all over again tonight at church. As we worshipped, I was so overwhelmed with the love of God, that I couldn't even sing. I just collapsed onto the floor and sunk into the incredible arms of my Father. In the most overwhelming, most loving way that I could have imagined, He showed me how incapable I am. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. I am SO unable, so insufficient. Sure, for most of my life, I've tried to be enough, to do enough, to pray enough, to love enough. But that just left me empty and broken (in exactly the same place as before). You see, I can't. HAH! I said it. I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T! And I don't want to. I don't want to live in my own strength, to love in my own strength, to be in my own strength, to do in my own strength.
As I emptied my soul before the Lord on the floor tonight, He gave me a new desire for dependence. I want His love to love with. I want His grace to pour out. I need Him more than ever. I can't do anything in and of myself, but I don't have to. You see, HE CAN!!! JESUS!! You are my strength, my refuge, my all-sufficiency! Without You, I am absolutely nothing, but with You, I am filled. I am complete in your presence. You are enough! You are the very source of life. Thank You for drawing me near. For making me able to rest in Your presence. I will never leave. He can, and HE HAS! Praise You Lord!
As I tried to recover from this revelation (which is so simple when written out; words cannot do justice to the beauty of the reality of Jesus's grace for me!), God hit me with another reality. He let me experience a taste of His heart for His lost sons and daughters who are perishing without coming to know the greatness of the Love that He has lavished on us. I felt His passion, His love, His anger toward the enemy, and His urgency for the proclamation of the Good News. He gave me a new heart for evangelism God, don't let me get over what You started tonight. Replace the lamp of my first love, that burns with holy fear!
In Leaders on Fire, we had a session today about evangelism. Because I facilitate the class, I have not really internalized and processed most of the lessons taught for myself (as I am doing my best to make sure the students get the most out of the class), but today was different. God really redeemed my understanding of the term evangelism. When I hear the term, I tend to think of the hyper-religious "soul winning" techniques for which the Bible belt is infamous.
Do you know where the concept of "Evangelism" came from? Well, I didn't either. But in class, Stacy Long (one of my pastors at CTF) explained that it predates the ministry of Christ. Evangelism comes from a compounded Greek word that mean "angel" or "messenger" and "good news." Caesar sent out evangelists as messengers of his good news. They would go ahead of His armies to the cities and villages that were about to be taken over. The evangelists' job was to announce the coming kingdom and to preach all the good things that would happen as a result. They would be protected from the attacks of their enemies. They would gain citizenship, government, a solid justice system, and all the other perks that came with being brought into the kingdom. It really was a cause for rejoicing.
So Jesus sent His disciples out to preach the good news that the Kingdom of Heaven was at hand. That is such a cause for rejoicing! When we are brought into His Kingdom, we are protected from the attacks of our enemy. We become sons, which is even greater than citizens, and we get grace, which is far greater than justice (although in His grace, He is totally just!) They were to announce the Kingdom coming by demonstrating it with the love and power of God. Show and tell, as it were. How often do we make it about proving points or winning arguments? God is not glorified in the winning of arguments, He is glorified in the demonstration of His character: love, meekness, self-sacrificing, etc. and in the demonstration of His power: healing the sick, casting out demons, etc. I'm reminded of two things. The first is a famous quote by the miracle-worker St. Francis of Assisi: "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words." He was a man who brought the reality of the Kingdom wherever He went. The second is 1 Cor. 13. If we are to glorify God with our lives, then His love must be at the very foundation of everything we do. This chapter makes it clear that without love, everything is nothing. You see, I can't. But as He fills me and I become His vessel of love, He can!
