Hey friends!
Wow. Blogging is a discipline; one that it turns out is really easy to neglect.
A few weeks have gone by since I posted last, and coming back, I'd like to switch gears a little bit. I feel like a lot of my posts thus far have been pretty safe. I've written about the things that God taught me, and I wrote them in a grammatically correct, thematically compelling way. But I feel like I still protected myself, sort of. I filtered how I felt and realized that I came off, in a lot of ways, as though I had arrived. I wrote about the things that I'd gotten under control, shared the experiences that I'd gotten revelation about, and seemed pretty put together overall.
Today, I'd like to be a little more raw. I'm overwhelmed. Nothing around me is consistent. I don't know how this will all work out. Since graduating from university in December, I've entered this whole new season of life, and (as I tend to do) I dove in head first.
- I've been working, doing web design. I've loved it! But I've also found myself to be in over my head, incompetent when it comes to business management, and consistently pushing deadlines with clients.
- Beyond design/film work, I've also been teaching an ESL class where we work with students in writing songs as a tool for learning English. I've been blown away by the students' openness and creative abilities. It's beautiful how they are forming a community over shared hopes and hurts. Opportunities for sharing the Gospel are growing really beautifully as relationships are built. So blessed to be getting to do this.
- I'm also leading an ignite group at church. The small community that we have is so great. I'm really blessed by everyone there, and especially by my co-leader Selah. She's such a great example to me.
- I'm also teaching the leadership class at church with Amanda. It has been really great to see the impact and change in everyone already as they hear these teachings and catch what God has to say to them. I'm being wrecked all over again each Sunday.
- I'm also preparing for the trip that I'm leading to Argentina, Chile, and Peru in June. If you haven't heard about it, please visit http://www.calebdurham.com/argentina and watch the video about what we are doing. God is opening up huge doors. Again, I'm blown away and so blessed to be a part of His work (as I am with each of these bullet points), but this more than almost anything else is stretching me. I'm planning this trip myself, through doors that God has opened to me over the last few years. I'm doing all the logistics and detail work, which is so beyond my natural ability…as you may know (or will probably find out at some point) I'm not really great at the fineprint and details; organizing this trip has been such a great chance to grow in new ways.
- I'm also fundraising for the World Race. This has been such a blessing when I've gotten to do it, but I feel like this has been pushed to the back of the list pretty consistently. I think I'm finally getting on top of this soon though. If you would like a news and support letter, please contact me! I'm sending these out now!
I think my theme recently has been "His strength is made perfect in my weakness." I feel so beyond my own ability. So blessed, but so overwhelmed. So unable, so weak, but somehow so able, so strong. I feel like because of changing circumstances, every foundation that I've built my life on is shaking. Foundations of school, church, city, and even friends have seemed like sand instead of rock. Not because any of those things were actually weak or falling apart, but because none of those were meant to be foundations. My ONLY strong tower is Jesus Himself. Everything else is overwhelms me. In Him alone I find peace. he still tells me the same thing: "You are my son. You are capable. You are loved. You are enough. You've got this! Trust me!" When I choose to lean not on my own understanding and focus on His presence, I feel peace flowing down. But whenever I take my eyes off Him and look at the waves around me, I sink in fear. Jesus! Save me from sinking! I choose You and Your way. I trust You, Your plans, Your strategies, and Your timing. I surrender." Kim Walker sings a song called "I Surrender" and one of the lines that flows out through the song is Your love makes it worth it! Your love makes it worth it all! This has been God's promise to me, that His love is worth any and all barriers and hard things that I face. Nothing can separate me from His love, and nothing is too big or too scary to keep me from it. As I look to Jesus I realize that if I could do it without Him, I wouldn't need to rely on Him. So God, I'm relying. I'm so beyond myself now. I feel like I'm in waist-deep water and I'm losing my foothold, but that's okay. I'm ready to flow with You Lord.
I love You, Lord!
Caleb
