“Caleb, your not the same person you are now as you were when you started this month.” Said Angel as she turned around in her shotgun seat of the 15 passenger van.
I cocked my head slightly, pondering what she meant by one of her ever famous one line statements. Angel was our ministry contact for the past month in Australia who is notorious for intense questions of great observations. But it was 4 am, and the cobwebs were filling my mind, so it took me a few minutes to realize just how true and wrong that statement was.
My confusion turned to enjoyment as I said, “Angel your right, I am not who I was when I first showed up here, but your finally seeing the real me.”
She smiled. “Thought so. Hey, be yourself, cause that is the Caleb who God wants.”
This adventure has been quite the ride already. While I am loving the blessings of seeing the waterfalls of New Zealand and reefs of Australia, the biggest thrill is the quest of figuring myself out in light of how God sees me. I would love to blame my weirdness on 4 years of a dispensational Bible School, or maybe it is because I grew up in nowhere Vermont, but in reality, I think it has more to do with the fact that I am just slow when it comes to myself.
I am a fairly bold, proudly adventurous, and quite an atypical guy who loves the idea of the unknown. But when it comes to God, I am just not getting it. I would love to have Him figured out, know His attributes, and holy cow am I still confused on understanding how He is working through the Holy Spirit. =) To me, God is easy, and yet terribly complex.
And so when I am seeing God move in big ways this year that I have never seen before in my 22 year old Vermont life, I freak out and just slow down. I have been slow to trust, and quick to question. I didn’t like the thought of listening to the voice of God, because what if I heard Him wrong. HOLD UP!!!
Being wrong has never bothered me before. I get stuff wrong all the time, try and fix my mistakes, and learn from my mistakes. So why should it be any different with getting to know God?
In this past month, I have finally remembered to enjoy the ride with God. God has been doing great things here in Australia, and I have been blessed to be a part of some of those things, but it’s because I am finally done caring about “being right” and now I am enjoying being myself before God.
IMPORTANT REVIEW- I am still CALEB DUFRESNE. I still sing kids songs in public, laugh my awkward laugh, and sneeze 135 times a day. I understand that God is a mystery beyond all comprehension and that His ways will always be greater than mine.
BUT I am finally being Caleb Dufresne with God. I am learning to be me with my father. The God who delights in His creation, and made me unique. I want this world, this race, my team and my squad to know the Caleb Dufresne who is himself before the Lord because that is when we are powerful. When we humbly come to the feet of God and ask for His w
ill to be done. God uses US. He is working through US by HIS power, but we are the tools. I like to think of myself as a jack hammer because i am so cool and muscular. =) But the point is that when we are finally ready to be ourselves before God, He will use us just as we are. Even though we are weird, messed up, broken and yet perfectly dysfunctional individuals who have a God that wants us to be ourselves with Him!
As the genie says in Aladin “Just beeeeee yourself.”
So what if Sampson was strong? Be your own person. Does it matter that David sang wonderfully? No, because God wants to hear your voice. Some of the greatest people in the bible are remembered because they were real before God. Peter was an overzealous radical. But he did so for the Lord. Remember the boy who only had 2 loaves and a fish? He didn’t hold back from Jesus because he only had a little. He gave to the Lord what he had. He was real with Jesus, AND GREAT THINGS HAPPENED!
So what about you? Are you going to be comparing yourself to others? or finally say, “here I am God.”
YES WE ARE ALL CORKY AND WEIRD, BUT IF GOD MADE YOU THAT WAY YOU SHOULD BE LIVING THAT WAY.
The more I am about to live boldly for God, be goofy for God, sing songs for God and play with kids for God, the more I am being CALEB DUFRESNE FOR GOD.
Same for you. I dare you. Sit back. Think about who it is that God made you. What is it that makes you special? And more importantly, are you living in that specialness?
ITS TIME TO LIVE AS GOD MADE YOU.
The world needs a real you. You are cheating yourself if you aren’t being the real you. And God is waiting for you to live fully as he made you.
I close with this picture. If you will look, I put 4 very different photos up. God is just as glorified in me hiking, as he is with me playing with kids, singing to old people or playing in the rain. And you know what, my team is benefiting the more i live out my adventurous, crazy, serious and childish sides. Just like I need the real them.
So do it. Be real. Be yourself. Be just as God made you.
Ok. Bye,
Caleb
Ps.
I am laughing so hard in this picture because while Lauren was canuing, I was going to the bathroom. Just kidding! Or am I? =)
