Team changes. Something they don’t really tell you anything about during training camp. You spend 3 days in “team formation” exercises, secretly telling your squad leaders who you do/don’t want to be on a team with(suggestions I wonder if they really listen to). Then after lots of prayer you are sorted into teams. Some hated their teams, others(like me), fell in love. It was hard not to. There was laughter, life sharing, poop talking and common ground all during our first team dinner. They made leaving my dearest friends at home worth it.
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After tragedy struck 2 weeks in(One team member went home, and 2 contracted dengue fever), and we were doing feedback, team time and ministry with only 4 team mates a strange bond formed. Over the next 2 months we were a family. They were people who I knew wouldn’t judge me, they would love me, protect me, prefer me. They were people I had no reserves in loving them. My heart was safe with all of them.
Then after MANistry month…TEAM CHANGES!!! It was rumored, but deepin my heart I believed we would be the one team who wouldn’t change. We didn’t have issues, we all liked each other, why would you mess that up? But in only the way God can, he brought something just as good into my life.
I was worried at first. Lots of personalities, people who were just different than me, they process things different, their humor is different. And with the addition of one more we dove into Malaysia. I could probably say this was in the running for the second worst month on the Race(tied with Costa Rica but still losing to Thailand). We didn’t know each other, we didn’t understand each other. We were homesick, and we were stuck in a month 5 rut. I didn’t understand feedback or it’s importance. When yet another team mate headed home, we started to wonder how this journey could keep going.
We set foot in Africa and we were a different team. We listened, we loved well, we prefered. I realized it was okay to love another team. I realized that it was with no one else that I wanted to be. I shed more tears, washed less underwear and tried to remember to alway open my heart up. I had another family.
And once again at month 8 debrief, team change was rumored. More than the last time I didn’t want it. We were in a good place, we had the love to grow on now. We could challenge each other in new and better ways, the next 3 months could be the best yet. I had been with two of those team mates for the last 8 months, I wasn’t ready to let go. I had the same team leader(other than during MANistry month) the whole Race. One of the girls and I hadn’t spent more than 7 days apart the whole year. I was once again letting go of family. I had already done this twice this year, I was certain I couldn’t handle it again.
As we were dismantled(well partly), I was crushed. But we are to move on. Love again and search out from the one who knows me most, why. The answers come slowly but clearly. Falling in love with a new team is hard. It’s scary. But it’s always worth it. Then there is knowing that in my heart I will always be a Vagabond. I will always be a Paw. And now, I will be a Relentless Pursuer(of Frankenstein’s Monster).
