I couldn’t get those three words out of my head. She don’t want. I kept hearing him say it.
Then, I decided I didn’t care what I had to do. This was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, and dang it, he was going to be loved. And not only was he going to be love, he was going to feel loved.
Our last night at the girls’ home, Erica and I walked down to the boys’ home to play guitar for them and hang out with them one last time. I was wearing my white watch for the first time in months and Nigel kept noticing it. He would come up to me and press the button for the green light to come on, then he’d cup his hand around the watch so he could see it glow. My heart was so full. I knew he’d probably never been given anything of his own. I debated the entire next hour whether I should give it to him or not. Just as we were about to leave, I decided he needed it. He started to walk inside so I ran after him.
I took the watch off my wrist and put it around his. Then I looked into his eyes and told him it was his. I went back to the road to finished saying goodbye to the other boys, as we were about to walk away I looked over to the fence and noticed Nigel standing there, away from the other boys who were all in the road with us. I walked over to the fence and asked him if he was going to be ok. I wish you had been there, I wish you had seen his face.
He told me yes, then looked away before tears filled his eyes. I wanted to take him home with me. If this had been month 11, I would have stayed. Not because I was in love with Malaysia, or because I was in love with our ministry at the church’s school. I would have stayed because I loved him.
As we walked away I began to cry and Erica put her arm around me. Then we heard the boys yelling at us, we started to turn the corner when they all ran after us. Telling us not to cry and holding our hands to comfort us. I hoped to see Nigel, but he was nowhere. My heart felt heavy. Then I saw him come running around the corner. My heart felt so lifted. I asked him for a hug, and I think I held him for 5 minutes. I wanted him to know I loved him. I didn’t want there to be any question in his mind about how I felt. I wanted him to know even though his mother didn’t want him, I did.
This night was one of the most precious moments I have ever experienced on the race. One of the best nights I have ever experienced on the race. I continue on this race for nights like tonight, they make the heard stuff worth it.
I hope he knows he’s special.
I hope he knows I could never forget him.
I hope he knows I love him.
I hope he knows I will do everything I can to make sure he is supported.
And more than anything,
I hope one day I will be able to share with him the love of the One
who brought me all the way to Malaysia to meet him.
Love,
Caitlyn
