Grit.
Every time I think of the word grit, I think of Chris Carneal. If you work for Booster, you clearly know who I am talking about.
Well, little did he know that his speeches on grit would soon smack in the face once more while living in Thailand.
This month is the first month of the race where I could go home and be completely fine. This month I was over the heat, done with sleeping on the floor, sick of the stupid mosquitos, exhausted from ministry, annoyed with being surrounded by people 24/7, and tired of the spiritual darkness. In the words of an old team member, I was ‘over it’. I would lie in bed and dream about life back in America with my community. Dreaming about church, going on boba runs, and looking at apartments. Anything to allow my mind to escape the reality that the Race SUCKS sometimes.
Why? Because this:
The race is NOT a vacation. On vacation, you aren’t sleeping on a pool floaty. You aren’t sweating through all your clothes at 1 am because it is still 80 degrees and 1,000 percent humidity. You aren’t living in community on vacation and participating in feedback every, single, day. On vacation, you aren’t living on a $5 a day food budget for all your meals, TOTAL. Vacation and the race never belong in the same sentence.
Now, you might be reading this and think, “Caitlyn stop complaining, you are doing amazing things” and you know what? You are right. I am not even going to argue with you. But what I will say is even things that are good, can be really hard and challenging.
The world race is hard. Really hard. Most days I want to pull out my hair and scream because I am OVER IT. The glamour was gone month two. But then I think of people and how Jesus is working in those people. I think of Eduin in Honduras who wears my Angels baseball cap I gave him as he makes 3 pointers on the basketball court. I think of my students in Costa Rica with Teacher Roy, Cindy, and Julio. I think of Juan and his wife, and their beautiful home in Guatemala. I think of all my friends from New Harvest Church in Malaysia that we did life with because of two guys we met at the market. I think of Jeap, and saying goodbye to her a few nights ago…as she began to cry and I began to cry with her.
The World Race is hard. It is messy. It is exhausting. Most days lately, I want to go home. But grit. Grit is courage…strength of character. Today a friend of mine spoke directly to my heart. She asked our group, ‘what are you willing to sacrifice to grow closer to God’? All of a sudden…all my complaints about community, heat, and being uncomfortable seemed to melt away. She followed this statement with, ‘doing the World Race is not a bucket list to just check off, it is a lifestyle’.
So there you have it. This is me expressing how I am really doing. I have five months left and I know they are going to be challenging, but I want to live in the present, not longing for days that are not promised to me. Walk with me in that and live in the present. However that may look, you can do it just like I can do it.
