“I can do it on my own. I will ask people and invite them into this journey with me, but realistically, I am going to do this on my own so I have full control”
– Caitlyn Duffy 2 months ago
Talk about power hungry. When I signed up for the World Race, I did it out of obedience, but in the back of my mind, I was clutching onto power and control of the situation. I told myself that I wanted to fully fund my year overseas, that I would take care of all my fees, and basically that the only person in control would be me.
God, being sovereign and such a good Father, truly put me in my place when I found out my position at my work had shifted and I no longer had much of an income for my summer months. Let’s just say, the idea of “control” was in my rearview mirror, far, far away from me. My so called “plan” crumbled before me, and it honestly, it left me angry.
“Why would God do this”, “How could he do this”, “So much for being there for me when I need him.”
I know what you’re thinking, I thought it too. “Oh yee of little faith” am I right? I was so bitter and angry because I lost control of the situation. My fists were holding onto this idea of independence, that I lost sight of who God is and why this journey fundraising can be beautiful.
I, Caitlyn Duffy, am not in control. I had to give that up two months ago when I realized I was no longer going to provide all the funds for this year. $16,000 is huge, terrifying, and scary to ask people from. We have our first fundraising goal in a few weeks of $5,000. I am graciously so close to it, but the fear creeps in as I’m reminded I still have $10,000 to go. Quickly I think back to Matthew 14:22-33.
27: “Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I! Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
When situations aren’t in my control and power, I am so quick to take my eyes off Jesus. Why is that? Fear is the number 1 thing that pushes people farthest away from Christ, and also the number one thing that draws people closest to him. Now that we’ve talked about my foolishness and doubt, let me tell you how God has been providing.
My World Race team is amazing. I could talk for hours about how supportive, encouraging and loving each individual on the team is. Along with their sass, humor, and sarcasm. About a week ago, our team did a fast and my prayer was that God would provide in ways that were completely out of my control (Ironic huh). That with his provision, I would be able to share testimony of his goodness. Quickly after praying those words, I had someone reach out to me who I haven’t seen since freshman year at Biola wanting to donate clothes for me to sell, and I had a friend from Booster offer me a babysitting job in the month of July. These are ways that the Lord is providing people! These are things I could never have planned on my own.
I am learning to be vulnerable with each of you reading, and with God. I have been called to go to the nations and proclaim his truth, hope, and love. That is his command and with as much confidence as I have, I am stepping out of the boat and onto the ocean towards him.
Will you step out in faith with me? If you can’t financially make a commitment, don’t let that stop you from partnering with me. If you can’t tell from this post, prayer is becoming a huge part of my life. Subscribe to this blog and partner with me in prayer. Maybe you are in a place where you can partner financially. Nothing is too small and I am confident that the Lord will bless you. Your donation is furthering the kingdom of God! That is beautiful and worth celebrating. The Lord is providing for me, and I am confident and excited to see how he provides and blesses those who partner with me on this journey, and in life.
Peace and Blessings my friends and family
