At the beginning of March, L Squad flew from Africa to Eastern Europe, ready to conquer a new area of the world on our journey with the Lord. My team has been in Kamenari, Montenegro for the month, a small fishing village on the bay. We are living with our host family- an American man married to a British woman and their 25 year old daughter. They have been missionaries for over 30 years, moving from country to country every 5-10 years, landing in Montenegro about 7 years ago. They live in a two-story duplex at the top of a hill which overlooks the mountains and water. The family lives in the upstairs while we live in the three bedrooms on the main floor. We all share the kitchen and dining area, but it’s a cozy arrangement and we felt at home right away.
As we settled into our new living space and ministry, I was overwhelmed with questions. Yes, it’s been awesome to have so many modern conveniences (dishwasher, washing machine, refrigerator, beds, wifi….uhhh yes, please!), and it’s been nice to have a super relaxed ministry schedule, and it’s crazy how much this month feels like being back in the States, but I kept having this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I felt like I was wasting my time. Like I could be doing many other things. For the past six months, ministry was doing, doing, doing. If I wasn’t teaching English to children or university students, I was working at a cafe, or doing door-to-door evangelism, or painting homes. And now I was being told that I could hang fliers for a few hours and then just walk around the town along the water? I could sit with my hosts, listen to things they’ve learned through their 30 years on the mission field, and consider that ministry for the day? No way. I have to be doing more. This couldn’t possibly count for a month of the Race. It couldn’t count as “mission work”.
This is the seventh month of the Race, the one where people typically get burned out, people are exhausted, people want to go home. It’s the middle of the Race and living in community is getting old. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It makes you want to either cry or scream. Always having to be “on” with your ministry and hosts is tiring. Trying with all of your might to pour into the people around you leaves you feeling empty. Constantly striving to go deeper with the Lord only points out how much you have left to learn. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I read about the “Month Seven Slump”- it’s a real thing.
But God blessed us with a month where rather than feeling exhausted and drained, He has us living with a family who wants to teach us, love us, pour into us, and give us time to rest. At such a vital point in our Race, God has given us time of rejuvenation.
This isn’t to say that life is perfect this month. I still have my crap. Because of the conveniences, I don’t necessarily have to rely on the Lord or seek out his goodness like I did when living among cockroaches and spiders and insane heat in Cambodia, or when I had to go to the smelliest concrete room with maggots crawling out of a hole in the ground to pee in Uganda, or when I had no way of contacting anyone at home when I was in Ethiopia.
Things are easy here. They are comfortable. At the same time, I felt almost a sense of guilt for how easy things have been, guilty for not having strenuous work every day. Our ministry for the day can look like sitting in our host family’s living room and listening to a teaching about Ancient Hebrew or Revival? What about the manual labor or English lessons or walking door-to-door to have conversations introducing Jesus? If I’m not doing all of these things, where is the worth in us being here?
During the first week here, I really struggled with these questions. I kept searching for ways I could be doing better, ways I could be making the most of this month. Very quickly, though, the Lord started repeating the word “REST” to me. He reassured me that it is okay to rest. It’s okay to not be crazy busy all the time, always attempting to earn His love or to earn my place here on the Race. In my heart I know that He has given us this month as a gift- a month where normally people are worn out, and He is refueling us for the months to come. I have to accept this gift graciously, not try to push it away by constantly filling my time with….anything and everything. If ministry for the day looks like hanging up fliers for a few hours then walking around the Promenade and soaking up the mountains and sea that He’s created, then I should just enjoy it. Maybe another day’s ministry looks like drinking tea and talking with our host. Other days, God blesses us with slow mornings and time with fellow squadmates to laugh, love, and learn from one another. And that’s okay. I don’t have to do or say certain things to earn His love or approval. I don’t have to earn my spot on this Race or a spot as a missionary. All I need to do is rest in Him, in His goodness, in His grace. I just need to rest in who He’s made me to be and where He’s placed me.
Yes, it’s important to make the most of your time and to seek out what the Lord is doing every day and how you can play a part in His plan, but it’s also important to take a step back and see what He’s doing for you. Maybe He’s just trying to romance you through the snow-capped mountains in the distance, or through the warm sunshine reflecting off of the water. Maybe He’s trying to teach you lessons for your future. Maybe you grew up in a culture of “busy” and He’s showing you how to rest easy.
I’m learning to soak up whatever situation God has placed me in. Even if that looks too comfortable.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Don’t forget! If you want to follow along this blog, you can subscribe for email updates! Just click on this link, fill out your email address, and presto- you’re in the secret club! Hurray!
xo, Caitlin
