On one of our first full days here in Rwanda, our host, Pastor Innocent, took us to the Kigali Genocide Memorial. In the memorial we learned about the mass genocide that took place here in Kigali in 1994. Only 20 years ago. We read stories, saw countless pictures, and looked at articles of clothing, pieces of skeletons, and weapons used. The memorial offered facts as well as personal stories of men, women, and children involved. One of the last rooms in that portion of the tour told a few facts about a number of small children who were murdered in unimaginable ways.
Only 20 years ago, families were being slaughtered with machetes, women were being raped and left for dead, children were being smashed with clubs. Streets were littered with bodies. 20 years ago.
After the first portion of the tour, there were rooms with information about other major genocides in history including the killings in Cambodia and of course, the Holocaust. We learn about these things in History class, and while we’re sad about what happened, it’s easy to remove yourself from the devastation. It’s easy to look at the numbers and see them as just that.. numbers. Not mothers who worked day in and day out to cook and care for her children. Not fathers who worked long hours to provide for his family. Not children who laughed and played with the neighborhood kids, making up games in the streets and then cuddling up to their mothers when they became sleepy.
Now that I’m here, and I’m face-to-face with people who lived through it, those numbers become real. I walk down streets and imagine them covered in blood. I watch men and women working in the fields, using machetes to cut down plants, and imagine those same tools being used to chop off limbs. I see young adults and imagine them as small children, terrified, watching the destruction outside of their windows.
I can now put faces to the stories. It creates a hurt in my heart that I haven’t experienced before. These people, they went through such a massive tragedy. How can they go on with their lives after experiencing those things? How can they be so firm in their relationship with the Lord after that? Would I be able to do the same?
This week, our team was able to spend time with people who were going through their own tragedies. You see, Pastor Innocent has many, many friends in this town, and we’ve gotten to meet and spend time with several of them, Pastor Sam being one. We were able to hang out with him after a church service on Sunday, and he went home that evening telling us that he would see us again the next morning. Morning came, and we found out that his sister had passed away the night before.
A tragedy in his family, in his world. A man so in love with the Lord, a man who spends his life following Christ. He had to go through something that would turn his world upside down.
Another Pastor in town has a daughter in the hospital because she has malaria. At one point, his sweet little girl was in a coma and the doctors were telling them that she probably wouldn’t make it. He and his wife, more people who devote their lives to God, had their worlds flipped.
It’s hard not to look at tragedies like this and question God’s goodness. Yes, we all know that He has a good plan for us all, and we repeat encouraging verses like Jeremiah 29:11, but it’s still hard to not question Him.
In Mark 4, Jesus and His disciples were out on a boat at night when a storm rolled in. The waves were so high that water was getting in the boat. There was a real threat to their lives at that point- the boat had the potential of sinking and they could all drown. The disciples found Jesus in the back- sleeping! They woke Him up, asking Him if He even cared that they were going to drown.
During the tragedies in my life, I know I’m guilty of getting annoyed, angry, and frustrated with God. Isn’t He going to help me? Doesn’t He even care? He always tells us how much He loves us and that He has a good plan for us, but it doesn’t always feel that way. When it feels like I’m on that small boat in the middle of the storm and waves are crashing, it’s easy to question whether God is going to come to the rescue or not.
After the disciples woke Jesus, He quickly rebuked the storm, and the water calmed instantly. They were all in shock- wouldn’t you be? The man simply spoke a few words and a storm cleared. That’s absolutely insane! But then Jesus went for the real kicker. He asked, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
Boom.
Do I still have no faith?
Do we truly believe that God has a plan for us? And do we really believe in our hearts that His plan is for good? In the midst of tragedy, do we still have the same faith as when everything is going well?
Do we have faith that God is bigger than our problems?
Going through the bible, there are stories on stories on stories about God doing the impossible. Even in my life, God has proven that he can make the impossible happen. Shoot, me sitting on this bed in Rwanda seemed impossible a year ago, but He made it a reality. Yet whenever I face struggles or tragedies, I either run away from God thinking that I can take care of things on my own, or I run at Him yelling, “Don’t you even care?!” Then as He gently rebukes the storm, placing a calm in my heart and proving His goodness, He asks me, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
So, during the next storm in your life, when it feels like the waves are crashing against your boat, water is getting inside, and you can’t see the shore, what will your reaction be?
Will you question our Father’s goodness and ask if He even cares?
Or will you pray to Him, knowing fully in your heart that He is the only steady thing in your life and He does have a good plan for you?
