To be completely honest, I have a really hard time trusting God.
A lot of times I don’t trust that He will provide the necessary funds for the Race.
I worry that I won’t be good enough to get a new job, and then if I get it, I’ll mess it up and my bosses will regret their decision.
I don’t trust that my heart will be ready to leave my family and friends for 11 months.
I doubt that He has equipped me with the love and wisdom to be a missionary.
And despite of all these doubts, here I am, being provided for every second of every day by my Father. Let me explain:
In the last month, God has been showing Himself in my everyday life in beautiful and shocking ways. Upon graduation the plan was to apply for my substitute license, then substitute around town for the semester. I’d make a decent amount of money, and keep busy for the next few months. New Year’s Eve comes around, and I get a phone call from my dad saying that he just talked to the principal of an elementary school in town. She mentioned that they had a spot open, suggested I apply, and gave him her card. A few days later, I emailed her to find out more information about the position. Long story short, I applied, got an interview (cue crazy anxiety about my first real “big kid job” interview with a team of educators), and then a week later on a Friday, was offered the position. Then the next big obstacle arose- I didn’t have my teaching license OR substitute license when I got the call from HR, meaning I wouldn’t be able to start working until it came in anywhere from 4-8 weeks from then. We still set a time to meet the following Monday to fill out paperwork and talk about benefits, deciding that once my license came in, we would set my start date. In my head, I’m thinking that I won’t be able to start working until mid to late February. Monday comes around and I go online to check the progress of my license once more before going into the meeting- AND IT WAS THERE! Great timing, God! At this time, I also learned that I would be earning a starting teacher’s salary! (I know, I know, teachers don’t make anything. But listen. I’ve been a broke college student for the past four and a half years… I’ll be earning more than I ever have before. I’m PUMPED.) That salary means I’ll be able to contribute to my fundraising efforts more than expected and I won’t have to bug my loving family and friends as much. 🙂
I was listening to one of Joyce Meyer’s podcasts the other night, and she was talking about how worry is a sin. When I worry about something (fundraising, jobs, etc.), I am telling God that I don’t trust that He will take care of it and that my problems are bigger than Him. I pray and say that I trust that He will provide, but then I turn around and my actions say the complete opposite. A good friend of mine told me something that really hit home. She said to “be thankful for the truth your heart feels farthest from.” Now, this truth can be anything, really. The truth can be that I am loved, I am chosen, I am equipped, and of course, that the Lord will provide. I started using that statement in my prayers, repeating it over and over, thanking God for providing the funds for this mission, and for Him being in charge of those funds- not me. Now I’m not saying that my heart has turned a complete 180 and I don’t have any worries, doubts, or fears, but I am reminding myself that He’s got me.
Fast forward to this afternoon when I decided to check my fundraising account and found that several people had already donated. My jaw was close to hitting the floor. I am so thankful for the people in my life. I’m thankful they answered the Lord’s call to give and to support me. You guys rock!
Through this whole process, I’d been worrying about what I’d do if I didn’t get the job, then what I would do if I had to wait at least another month before starting, and whether I’d be able to stay on my dad’s insurance plan even though I’m eligible for my own, and blah, blah, blah.
I was worrying while God was taking care of it.
Of course He was! He’s my Father, and being the ultimate parent, He will continue to take care of me because I’m His daughter.
Thank you, thank you for your support by reading my blog! If you’d like to get email updates, click here!
Please pray for me as I begin my new job, continue preparing my heart for the Race, and for my squadmates.
If you feel led to partner with me financially, click on the “Support Me!” link on the left. You can also read my FAQ blog for more information on supporting me.
xo, Caitlin
