God is doing amazing things in Africa. The boys cast ten demons out of a woman in South Sudan. A team in Nairobi healed a woman after she was stabbed in the heart behind their church. I rejoiced in amazement when I heard the stories, but then there is something deep inside of me that holds back just a little.
I am discontent. WHY? Good things, amazing things are happening. God is moving in people’s lives, He is changing and healing others. Why the heck to I feel unsatisfied? I look at myself and think, “I’ve never healed anyone or have even seen a demon. Why isn’t God using me for these things? What is wrong with me?”
Even though I love our ministry it hasn’t really been drastic or dramatic. We have a schedule. We love the kids, but life is pretty routine.
Until today.
In counseling a girl told her story and then when she was being prayed for she shot back in her chair and started yelling things. The people in the room began to talk with the demons inside her and then saw many shadows on the wall walking out of her.I came into the room at the end and saw the girl in tears. Again, I missed out on God moving in a big way. I should feel nothing but gladness for what happened, and I did, but it was mixed with a little bit of jealousy. God has never used me to do anything like that.
Does that mean I am not spiritual enough? Strong enough? Good enough?
One day I was sitting in the dining hall watching all of the children eating plates piled high with ugali and I realized how easily these children could have been starving in a trash pile or high on glue.
But they weren’t.
Most of them come from the streets or the slums. God has saved them from horrible places. He has healed their broken lives. I realized that I see God do amazing work every day. I am surrounded by 120 miracles! These children are the face of God’s amazing work. Just because it is not dramatic doesn’t mean it is any less of God.
Today I sat and watched a Challenge Farm football game with Geoffrey. He is the sole survivor of his family after a devastating tribal war. He used to have many demons and voices inside of him, but today he is free in Jesus Christ. We laughed about how much ugali he can eat and talked about Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo.
Phanice is 7 years old. She has been raped and nearly died. She is now at Challenge Farm and is healthy happy and lives the life of a normal 7-year-old. Today she came over to my table in art class and sat down and painted with me. All I did for her was give her a paint brush and paper. Phanice didn’t need a miraculous healing today. She needed someone to share paints with.
God puts us in the places we need to be to fulfill His purpose. We are His hands and feet. His hands healed blind men and hugged children. Ask those children which one mattered more to them.
How can we say one act of God matters more than another? How can we say how He uses others matters more than how He uses us?
Only when it becomes about us, when we want God’s glory for ourselves do these things bother us. The truth is it is God and God alone who raises the dead or makes a child feel safe at night. It isn’t us. It is not that we aren’t spiritual enough or strong enough or good enough. None of us are.
But He uses ALL of us. All who are willing. We may never know or see what impact our actions have but it is never us. It is Jesus inside us.
