Obligation… I walked down the street, head phones
in, throwing a fit like a three year old inside my head while the outside said
I was calm, cool, and collected.
We were on the way to church and I felt heavy, my heart dragging as
thoughts of empty religion and half-hearted worship overtook me with each
passing step. I don’t ever want to
go through the motions with God because I don’t think that is the abundant life
Christ DIED for. Unfortunately, so
much of American culture is to go to church on Sunday because “that’s what you
do.� It is something I have a real
issue with because cultural Christianity doesn’t impact this world, doesn’t love
well and bring life to others, and doesn’t glorify the God I love. It often breeds hypocrisy, judgment, and
a sense of self-importance rather than the humble servant laying your life down
for others as Christ taught. I am
a firm believer that God doesn’t want a few pitiful hours you spend on Sunday
half-asleep thinking about what you have to do later that day. God wants your
heart; He wants your life.
It wasn’t the church we were attending I had the issue with; it was
me. I wanted to just be at a
service that didn’t need to be translated, to worship in a language I
understood, and be with a community of people I knew longer than just a few
weeks. We have the amazing gift this month of just being able to attend church. We so often are preaching, leading
worship, giving a testimony, or performing a skit. I absolutely love doing all of these things, but
occasionally it is nice to have a break.
The interesting thing is if you are not a part of the service at church,
typically, you have a choice to attend.
Somehow, I felt confined and locked into a commitment of my time on
Sunday without the desire of my heart being present.
Back to the mess inside my head…I
didn’t think that being there on Sunday was going to feed me. I wanted to have my personal time with
God. I wanted to be free to worship my God with my music the way it spoke to
me. I wanted church to fit my
needs and my ideas of what church should be. Wait, WHAT???
Hold on… Since when did I
make church about me? I had
succeeded in making worship, drawing near to the Lord, and community about me
and my self involved little bubble.
Somewhere along the line I forgot that attending church on Sunday is about
WORSHIPING GOD, the Creator of the Universe whom I have a deep and intimate
relationship with. That time on
Sunday is entering in to His presence in unity with the body of Christ to glorify
God and build each other up. The
hardness in my heart began to break off and melt as I realized what a mockery I
had made of church, the bride of Christ.
Realizations…It is so easy to
withdraw and duck out when something isn’t meeting my needs and desires. The truth is church was meeting my
needs, I just wasn’t meeting its. That’s
right, the body of Christ needs you to be involved and active, as a choice in
your heart. Church on Sunday was giving
me an additional opportunity, more than my every day actions, to worship Christ. It’s amazing to me how easy it was to
make everything about me. What I
would receive, what I would learn, what I would enjoy, would it suit me? Instead my heart should be beating what
can I offer, what can I bring, how can I learn, how can I better worship you
and serve your body of Christ (what we like to call the church). So yes, I have to admit even for
someone serving the Lord, church can become stale and routine . Its in those times that God is there
for the gentle reminder; Look at
my Son, He died for you, Sunday is not about you…Its all about Him.
