Maybe it’s the fact that I am entering month ten soon or maybe its because I have exactly 2 months left on the race, but my thoughts are never far from re-entry. I can’t tell you how excited I am to see my friends, my family, EAT MEXICAN FOOD and have the ever-elusive Starbucks non-fat vanilla latte! I can’t wait to share my life with people who I have missed all year long. I want to watch a football game with my Dad, have an adventure with my sister, and share all my new-found world recipes with my Mom. I’m excited to just be ME with Stacy and Mary, to drive with the top down in Amanda’s car while blasting music, to share adventure stories with Nick, and hug all of the Chase family… you get the point, I could go on. I cant believe I am saying this, but I am even excited to move to Missouri, mostly because my parents have met some really wonderful people who I know are reading this blog right now 😉 A new adventure is on the horizon, so yes I’m excited to come back to the states, to be comfortable, to use a washer and dryer, to process and rest. But I do have a confession for you…
This year has wrecked me, changed me, moved me, and altered everything I thought myself to be and what I knew to be true. I have found freedom this year, rooted myself deep in God’s love, started a journey of REALLY finding out who I am. I have been sifted and refined. My eyes have seen, ears have heard, and arms have held those God treasures and the world throws away. The truth is I am different, so my life will look different. I know how to be me on the race, but I have no idea what that looks like at home. I have been changed by God in the most glorious ways, so I know my life won’t quite look the same. And I’m not sure I really want to go back, for things to settle in the way they were before the race. I cant go back. No, I wont go back to the life where I didn’t stop to pray for the homeless man or let my heart break for the girl who so desperately cries out for help and someone to notice her. I wont be that person who is so wrapped up in me that I can’s see the world around me. I am now someone who can confidently rest in who I am rather than be constantly concerned about what others what others will think. I now speak life over others and see the importance and power of my words. I’m not sure I was ever “normal� (I mean lets face it, I packed up to live the craziness of this last year) but I pretty sure that somehow in the last 9 months I have completely thrown that adjective out the window. The confidence I have found this year has made me a force to be reckoned with. I bring God’s kingdom, light, love wherever I go with this new authority I walk in. Please understand, I will not be perfect, I am still me. There are still so many things about me that are exactly the same, like the fact that my favorite color is blue and I’m completely spontaneous, ALWAYS up for an adventure. I love my friends and family more than they could know. I still will talk your ear off any chance I get and will get completely silly at random times. I still cry at anything slightly sentimental and laugh at completely inappropriate moments. I am still ME, just a more whole, complete, happier, and healthier version of myself carrying a lot less junk than when I left.
So yes, the thought of the grocery store and having a hundred options in the cereal isle is a bit overwhelming. Target or Walmart are definitely WAY MORE that I will be able to handle in the first few weeks. I may use words like kingdom, freedom, feedback, community, process, and the holy spirit a lot. I just might jump up and down when I see my closet full of cloths and get to wear something that is not currently in my pack. I may have requests to go shopping a good will or a thrift store, because lets face it, I spent everything I own to serve the Lord this year and I’m broke. You might even have to stop me from starting every sentence with, “when I was in…� I know that could get old real fast. So in this process of re-entry and re-adjustment you may need to have a little grace for me. I in turn will need to have a little grace for you, as there is no I can fully make you understand all that this last year has been. Everyday life in America will eventually feel normal again to me, but I know God did not send me out this year to come back and live unchanged. He sent me out to be an activator and agent of change. There are so many things that feel uncertain about coming home; but one thing I can count on is that I will bring His kingdom and love everywhere I go, everyday I live for the rest of my life.
With teammate Alisa Prox 🙂
