I must admit that the thought of
doing door to door did not excite me.
In fact, I had to drag myself to ministry most days and choose to have a
good attitude. The way things
worked in my head was that I was invading people’s space, telling people about
Jesus who didn’t want to listen, and were not given the opportunity to build
relationship. I began to pray
asking God to give me a heart for this type of ministry, a passion to spread
the gospel any way He chose. I
know, I’m a missionary, I shouldn’t struggle with these things right? It should be my absolute joy to tell
any person I meet about Jesus no matter what it looks like. Well I have got some news for you, I’m
human just like you. There is no
missionary gene that makes me any better and the truth is I struggle as times
with boldness in my faith. How’s
that for a conversation with God.
“Lord, I know I wanted to serve you this year. I know I want to bring your light, love, joy, freedom, and
salvation to people all over this world, but can’t you just do it in a way that
is comfortable for me?� Ohh Boy,
do I have some things to learn!
Fast-forward
to our last day of ministry in Tanzania after an entire month of doing nothing
but door-to-door evangelism and preaching. I stood in front of the church prepared to share a message
and as I looked out at the crowd I found myself speechless. My words got stuck in my throat like a
ten car pile up and all that escaped my mouth was a high-pitched squeak. Tears began to run down my face as I
stood in front of the whole congregation while God spoke to me quietly in my
heart. He said, “This is why you
do door to door. This is why you
do it my way.� The view from the
front of the church was what had caught me so off guard. I looked out into the congregation and
saw the fruits of our labor. I saw
Miriam who had converted from Islam and had begged me to get her a Bible. I say Aris, who’s restaurant we had
been eating at to help with her business. I saw the old man whose leg was in
desperate need of healing and had asked faithfully for prayer. I saw the woman who we appeared to in a
dream. I saw the daughter of a
woman who was healed and after being paralyzed for ten years could now
walk. I saw two women my teammate
had sought out relationship with that finally came to church for the first
time. I could go on and on because
the church was full of people that we had come to know and poured into that
month. The view from the front of
the church was breathtaking and glorious.
I was beyond overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He took my bad attitude and selfish
heart and showed me in the most loving and tender way why He is right. Why His ways are higher than mine. Why
obedience and trust are important.
Why things in Africa don’t ever make sense to me when I come in with an
American mindset.
God
has been teaching me a lot about laying myself down. You see, I am not always right (shocking, I know! Haha) and
my heart is not always in the right place either. The beauty is He lovingly teaches and instructs us to live
like He did. I am not saying that
door to door is the best way to do things in all circumstances, but in Tanzania
that is how things are done and one of the ways God moves. In fact, we were ALWAYS welcomed into
homes with eagerness to hear what we had to say. Even more than that the harvest was so ripe. People were almost shockingly hungry for
the love and grace of God. Many
even asked us to come back and were genuinely excited when we returned.
That,
more than anything, I have seen time and time again. I just need to get over myself, get out of the way, and let
God be God. Then I can sit back
and watch His glory come to earth.
With Miriam and her daughter, Jennifer. My new sisters in Christ!!!
