After three weeks at Canaan it’s finally starting to hit me. I am staying at an Orphanage. I’ve spent so much time here laughing, having dance parties, reading to kids that I guess I haven’t really thought to much about the reality of the situation. That ended last night. Last night my heart broke. Last night I realized I couldn’t fix the pain. Last night I realized despite the hope in this place there is a lot of pain.
It’s the little things that pierce my heart. Last night it was a three year old boy who was so tired but didn’t want to go to bed. He needed to go to bed but honestly he just needed someone to help put him to bed. Now, they have house parents at this place but honestly the kids really take care of each other. So without anyone to cuddle him or read him a book he just cried. So my teammates cuddled him, sang to him, and carried him to bed. I wasn’t much help to him because all I could do was cry. In that moment it hit me these kids don’t have parents. I know obvious hello I’m at an Orphanage.
It was one thing for me to be here playing with the kids but quite another to really think about the reality of this place. Many of these kids knew their parents and lived with them at one time, but for one reason or another are not at home anymore. Some of these kids have some siblings that still live with their parents while they live here. For financial reasons or other reasons these parents can’t take care of their kids.
Today was a hard day as well. It was parent’s day. As I sat down to lunch I noticed one of the sweet seven year old girls I know had visitors today. Her parents made the trek to visit here and then left. I watched as she went down the hill to wave goodbye to her parents and it broke my heart. Once again I was powerless.
All I could think about was how much these kids need to know they are loved and that they are children of God. This is a fatherless and motherless generation and all I want these kids to know is that God cherishes them. I want them to know as it says in Psalm 68:5 “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation”. These kids don’t even realize yet how much they need God, but they do need him so much. I have no solution for their pain and that sucks.
It’s easy for me to throw out scripture references and the references are true, but the problem isn’t that simple. I wish it was. I wish I could speak to these kids and change their lives forever. I wish I could cuddle every kid that feels lonely. I wish I could mother every hurting child and wipe away every tear, but I can’t. I’m just another American who loves them for a month and leaves them. At the end of this day all I can say is maranatha.
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