My wonderful friend, Jamie, shared this amazing poem with me. It’s kind of where I am at right now, and really where I have been the last few years. Not much more I can add to this lovely piece of work, but I wanted to share it with more people.
 
 
Hideous Strength by Jamie Finch

Oh the hideous strength required

To feel your spirit growing tired

Of waiting, just to find the seeds you’ve planted do not bloom

 
To watch the flames of purity

Engulf the place they should not be

The place that they were never given freedom to consume

To discover constants don’t exist

Save for this painful, clouding mist

Of change that hovers over ever single plan you make

To have what you’ve held stripped away

And yet, somehow to be okay

To know that this is not the end or even a mistake

It’s with that hideous strength we trust

Our pride objects, but still we must

Believe that someday we will see how it was for our good

And though we may not ever know

Why goodness would cause such a blow

The freeing truth is this: that it is better that it should

At times, the run may seem a crawl

And answers may not come at all

Our hearts decieve and whisper that this hurt will never heal

But faithful peace shouts this refrain:

The promise lies within the pain

Because we know, regardless, it is beautiful to feel

Oh hideous strength- with hope anoint

Our souls, and do not disappoint

Remind us of the many lessons we have yet to learn

Help keep us patient, even here

Content with everything unclear

Resting in the One for whom our hearts were made to yearn

Teach us to be still and wait

We are not now to know our fate

Only that He who does is just as good as He is wise

And though, all ignorant of length

We cling to Him with hideous strength

And find our joy in knowing He alone will be our prize