Hey supporters, friends, and first- time readers! It’s been a little while since I’ve posted a blog from the field and for that, I’m sorry. If you follow me on any of my social media outlets, specifically my Instagram: @caitlincaren , you’ve probably seen pictures and mini blurbs about things that have been happening. But, I have not written any stories or updates out in blog form. Partly because of laziness, partly because of “lack of inspiration” and partly because if I’m honest, the race got hard Month 4 and I didn’t know how to tell people about it or even if I should.
But as I’m sitting here reflecting on the beauty of what the Lord has been teaching me in it, I had to share.
Our 5 weeks in South Africa (basically all of October) were my favorite on the race so far. We got to go around and tell people about the hope that we have in Jesus basically every day. I regularly saw chains fall off people and saw men and women, children respond to the fact that Christ loves them, wants a relationship with them and died for them so that that could happen! Team Shalom and I were equipped with boldness. We were able to take worldview and leadership classes and get poured into. We loved the interns at Impact Africa deeply and they loved us as well.
After South Africa, we continent hopped over to Vietnam, a closed country. This means that we were not able to openly share the Gospel with people. There were different limitations to what we could and could not do in ministry that we had not yet experienced on the race. Ministry looked like leading discussions in rooms above a coffee shop for about 5 hours at a time to help Vietnamese, Korean and Japanese people practice their conversational English skills. The hope was to use this as a platform to be able to love them like Jesus and share the Gospel with them. What many days looked like for most of us was hours of surface-level type conversations about topics such as what I majored in in college, Donald Trump, types of Vietnamese fruit and so on.
I love people. I love diving into their stories and their hearts.
But day in and day out, I struggled to find what we were doing meaningful and often came home drained.
There were rare moments here and there where I could share parts of my testimony and maybe even explain how God speaks to us. However, I was struggling to hold onto those moments as fuel.
On top of that, my team, Team Shalom, and I were battling some tension. We figured out that beginning in South Africa, we had begun to stop being intentional with one another.
We were like a World Race married couple that got comfortable. This created an environment that at times left me feeling unsupported, not fought for and frankly, the enemy attacked.
The spiritual warfare was evident.
Satan wanted me to stop investing all together. He wanted me to stop being present. He wanted me to move on to the “next best thing” which, per the enemy, was the end of the month at Month 4 debrief with the coming team changes.
I battled to stay in the Word. But, I let myself get distracted by the endless amount of (albeit mostly shotty) Wi-Fi around me.
God was so good in His ultimate wisdom and faithfulness to give me two words to meditate on and marinate in.
The first word was: PERSPECTIVE.
I desperately needed a perspective change. Are you in a similar place? I needed God to pull my POV out from what was right in front of my nose and bring me higher, into a Kingdom perspective. God told me to pray for a new perspective daily. It took some time, but slowly but surely, the Lord lifted my gaze higher. No longer did I view my ministry as something to “get through” but as something to value; as something that God was allowing me to be a part of. No, I personally didn’t get to see the “fruit of my labor” at that time and after such a fruitful month that was difficult. However, the Lord reminded me that there is a season for harvesting and a season for seed planting (John 4:34-38). I was able to share the Gospel in a closed country. I got to share about why the Jews wanted to kill Jesus, part of my testimony, and love as Christ loves all in a closed country. What a joy. Not to mention, one of my teammates was able to see one woman come to Christ that month! Worldly perspective can stifle your effectiveness in God’s plan. He wants to use you. LET HIM.
The second word Jesus gave me was: ENDURE.
It came from my readings in 2 Chronicles 7. After Solomon rebuilt the temple, he dedicated it by praying to the Lord and repenting of the many, many years of turning their backs on Him. To signify that God had accepted their offering and His Presence was going to dwell with them in the temple, fire fell from heaven. The Israelites were overwhelmed by the glory of the Lord and fell to their knees in worship. With their faces on the ground, “they worshiped and gave thanks to the Lord, saying, ‘He is good; his love endures forever’” (2 Chronicles 7:3).
The word endure leapt off the page at me and smacked me in the face. In as much as I’ve learned about the Israelites this year, one thing I’ve for sure learned is that the Israelites sucked. For years and years God played this game with them where He draws them close and blesses them and they praise Him for who He is but then somewhere along the way they get lost and tricked by something shiny and begin worshipping another god, idol, thing. And God, the good Father that He is, disciplines them and follows through on the consequences He had laid out with them at a previous time. Then He hears their cries and delivers them and draws them close and on and on and on the cycle goes.
How annoying.
But man, how I am like the Israelites. Man, how you are like the Israelites.
At some point, wouldn’t you have expected God to bail? To tap out? To say, “Okay these people just can’t get their crap together. I do so much for them and they just aren’t giving me what I need. They are just more trouble than they’re worth.”
But you know what? He doesn’t. Because His love endures. And His character doesn’t change.
As in His love (He) perseveres, sticks around, doesn’t bail when things get hard, stays.
When things began to get a bit more challenging in ministry and on my team and the enemy was telling me to look past Vietnam to Cambodia do you know what the Lord was telling me?
“Love with an enduring love, my daughter.
Stay present. Invest. Love your team harder. Love those you encounter at the coffee shop. Stick around.
Why? Because that is the kind of love I have given you, child and that is the kind of love that you should give.”
