The following blog was written by my beautiful squadmate Jarren Templeton. You can find this blog and follow the rest of her World Race journey at jarrentempleton.theworldrace.org
*Caution* This story is real and raw and about the sweet power of redemption, freedom and forgiveness.
After going through a freedom process a year or two ago, the Lord told me that one day I would love being hugged. I never believed Him. I hated hugs. I hated when anyone ever put there hands on my shoulders or on my back. Even the thought of someone touching me made me cringe. But I could never tell you why. I’m on a squad with 58 other people and about 99.9% of those people love to hug and/or rub your shoulders. Lucky me to be surrounded by such amazing people. (Insert laughing that quickly turns into crying.)
On the day we were traveling from Durban to Swaziland, I was sitting in the isle seat and as people passed by, they began to touch my shoulder. One by one. And with each touch, my face cringed. When we started moving I said, “alright Lord. There has got to be a reason why I hate being touched on my shoulder. I need to know why and then I need you to redeem it.” And so an hour passed by and the Lord moved.
When I was 7 years old, I was molested or sexually assaulted or sexually abused. I’m honestly not sure what the correct word is, but it happened. In the freedom process I mentioned earlier, they make you go back to that time. They make you recall what you wore, what was on the tv, where you were. You pretty much have to relive that moment. And they ask a lot of questions. “Do you remember where your parents were? What time of day is it? Now, where are his hands?” In all honesty I’m focused on where his hands should not be. And you walk through the forgiveness portion. Forgiveness of that person, your parents, yourself and of God. And I didn’t even know I was mad at God until I was forced to relive those moments. So although highly uncomfortable, reliving those moments are sometimes needed.
Anyway, back to the bus ride. When the Lord told me to go back there, he asked me to pay closer attention to where the mans hands were. And as you have possibly guessed it, they were on my shoulder and back. 7 year old Jarren associated with touches on her shoulders and back, with getting abused. 16 years later I still have the same association. But there is no need. I know that my squad loves me. I know that each and every time they rub my back or reach in for a hug, its because they want to physically show they love me. And I want to do the same. So I immediately asked the Lord to redeem it all. I wanted to be able to freely show people I love them without cringing.
A week later my back begins to hurt, bad. Amazingly we have an athletic trainer on the squad and I asked her to help me out. After digging into my back for a bit she says I have to sit in a chair and she is going to work on my shoulders. I sit and wait for her to touch me. Nothing. No cringing. No feeling of having something taken away from me. She makes a remark about me having a lot of knots and I get to tell her that she is the very first person to give me a massage in 16 years.
I write this in tears. Not because of shame or guilt, but because freedom and redemption are real. I am free to love those who once took advantage of my innocence. I am free to love those who love me. And I’m free to hug and have plenty of back rubs. *Praise Jesus*
