The Lord has been so good over the last couple of months. He has been preparing me well and has been teaching me quite a bit. Now that I have finally finished up my job at the high school and have moved both the majority of my stuff into a storage unit and my physical body into a new location, I (theoretically) now have more time to finally finish and post the MANY half- written blogs I have had brewing and will do so over the next several weeks leading up to my team’s launch in August. Here is the first of hopefully many to come.
Shoulds and Should Nots
With everything I have had on my plate in the past couple months, okay let’s be honest, in the past couple years, I can struggle to feel like I am missing the mark. Sometimes, I look at those around me and feel like I am missing that something that would allow me to BE MORE.
But, living tormented by these “shoulds” locks you in a box. These tell you all the things you seemingly “should” be doing but, don’t for whatever reason. They keep you stuck. They prevent you from moving forward. They use shame to tell you that you are less than; that your choices are incorrect; that you had less potential than everyone thought; that you can’t hack it.
“You should have fit in one more coffee date with a student this week.”
“You should have finished more on your to-do list this morning.”
“You should have spent more time in the Word today.”
“You should be done with your Master’s degree by now.”
“You should have worked out more this week.”
“You should have caught that injury/ treated that better etc.”
“You should have been more, served more, loved better.”
“You should have…”
The should nots operate similarly. However, these tell you all of the things you shouldn’t be struggling with or the many things you should not be saying, thinking, or feeling based on some whacked cultural expectation.
The should nots aim to make you feel defective.
“You should not be home alone tonight because its Friday.”
“You should not be struggling with THAT sin or STILL be struggling with that sin.”
“You should not be so quiet OR you should not be so loud.”
All of these “should” and “should not” statements can be and are usually followed up by the thought, “What’s wrong with you?”
Satan uses these accusatory statements and the ones that inevitably follow these to make me feel like I am failing.
The devil has come “only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). But Jesus said I have come to give you life and life ABUNDANT (John 10:10). And no, that doesn’t always mean an easy life but, it for sure means full of Jesus and FREE of “shoulds” and “should nots”.
We recently had a soul care training for the leaders in our high school ministry at the church I attend and the speaker, a clinical psychologist, gave us an amazing tool to use when the devil decides to accuse with these statements. He told us to take a “should” statement like the following:
“I should have been more loving to my roommates.”
This statement traps you. It makes you feel stuck in a shameful place and other than apologize to your roommates for your shortcomings, which you know you should/could do, there isn’t much about this statement that invokes you to move past the thought.
But, now take this statement and replace the “I should” with either an “I hope to” or “I desire to”.
The statement then becomes:
“I desire to be more loving to my roommates.” OR “I hope to be more loving to my roommates.”
Suddenly, the accusatory, short, stagnant statement has now become a goal, in which, we can better move forward into freedom.
And ya’ll, Jesus is in the business of freedom. He has already paid the price, He is just waiting for us to finally put down those heavy, heavy chains we’ve been carrying and live out of the abundant life that He has for us. Jesus did not die and rise so that we would be trapped in a turbulent sea of striving to meet some sort of arbitrary expectations.
Christ wants US. PERIOD. We don’t need to bring anything but ourselves.
Guys, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8) and there is now “no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 8:1-2)!
We are so loved. God saw me in my mess and loved me anyway.
He still sees me in my business and my inability to live up to whatever ridiculous standard I have created in my head and He still draws me close and calls me holy and blameless (Eph 1:4), salt and light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14), His workmanship (Eph. 2:10), never alone (Heb. 13:5), a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), and a co-heir with Christ (Rom. 8:17). He doesn’t care about all the things I am not or can’t be.
I am FULLY KNOWN and not in spite of that but, because of that, I am FULLY LOVED.
He has lovingly reminded me that it isn’t about the “shoulds” and “should nots”. There is freedom in Christ. Now, let us remain in His love and in this freedom so that we may overflow with the love we’ve received.
* How Can You Be Praying?:
– I leave for Training Camp in Gainesville, Georgia on Tuesday, June 7th and will be gone until June 18th! Please be praying for safety, that the Lord would move and for our hearts to be prepared well!
– I am about 80% funded, Praise Jesus! But, that means I still have about $3,400 left to raise. So, please pray that The Lord would provide more prayer/ financial partners.
Interested in partnering with me financially? CLICK HERE.
Thank you guys so much for your support! I appreciate your love so much 🙂
