Sleepless nights. Tear stained face. Snot covered pillow. Hours lost in thought. Memories passed up in place of prayer. Hand cramped from journaling. Conversation after conversation. Voice strained.
God don’t ever take these things from me.
I have heard people pray things like, “God protect my heart, take this pain away from me, guard my emotions, shield me from the hurt or disappointment.” I’ve even prayed these things before. But, no more!
I have experienced my fair share of pain throughout my life. I have spent many night crying out to God to take away my suffering but now I’m realizing that I don’t really want Him to take it away. If there are things in this world that need to be cried over, I’m going to cry. If situations arise where anger is appropriate, I’m going to get angry. And, if I have to spend my time uneasy, fine.
This is a new perspective the Lord is showing me, so bear with me. But, here are some things we’ve been walking through together lately.
I cry because I have lost a father who meant more to me than I can describe
I don’t ever want to not feel sad about him not being here. His absence will never be refilled and pretending it could would diminish his importance in my life. Praise God I was gifted with a daddy who was worth missing, who showed me an example of Christ’s love every day. My sadness is a reminder of the blessing I received and gives me the determination to want to show that kind of love to those who haven’t encountered it.
My heart is restless because I want to do God’s will
The day I start settling for second best when it comes to Kingdom buisness, is a day I don’t ever want to experience. I always want to seek the Lord’s plan for my life even if that means dealing with the agony of the unknown and the discomfort of not being in total control.
I can’t sleep because the faces of the orphaned and abandoned plague my dreams
I always want to be moved with compassion for the forgotten. I never want my spirit to be anything but fitful when I witness a child experiencing pain. I don’t mind the sleepless nights because I know He will give me strength to look those babies in the face and say, “Your Heavenly Father will never leave you and His love never fails.” God, don’t ever let me become numb to the plight of your children.
My voice hurts from praying for my family and friends who haven’t received Jesus Christ as their Savior
This is will be my burden I will carry until the day I die, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. God has called me to go and make disciples and to pray without ceasing for the lost. Lord, help me to never grow tired and weary when it comes to interceding for the people who mean the most to me.
My stomach is in knots when I see people turn away from God because of the church or Christians
I never want to feel comfortable with the status quo of Christianity or church life. I will not stand for a mouth shut and get in line mentality when it comes to God’s kids. I am not called to love just the lovable, the perfect, and the easy. I want to always get roused when love is sacrificed for cheap imitations.
There are plenty of other things that get my blood boiling and the water works flowing and I’m sure each of you have things that will get you on your soap box in seconds. Maybe your heart breaks when you see people living on the streets who have lost hope, or you might find yourself lying awake at night tossing and turning because your kids are making poor choices and you can’t seem to get through to them. I’m confident that things like human trafficking, abortion, genocide, church corruption, and sexual abuse are all subjects that bring about strong emotions in many. You may be walking alongside someone who is struggling with a serious illness and you agonize over the right things to do or say. Maybe it’s a relationship that is taxing and you are struggling to find Jesus in the midst.
I want to encourage you. Don’t ask God to take the pain away. Don’t ask Him to guard you from the tough stuff. I don’t believe the God intends for us to hurt, but He is capable of walking alongside of us and encouraging us while we do. What the enemy plans for evil, my God uses to glorify His name. When we push aside our emotions for fear of becoming uneasy or overwhelmed we can miss the heart of the Father and how He commands us to love others. He wants us to get fired up at injustice. He wants us to mourn with those who mourn. He designed us to protect the innocent and be furious when someone tries to take that away. He wants us to stand for righteousness, even when it’s the unpopular. I want Him always to break my heart for the things that break His.
So, take a close look at what gets you worked up and ask God if He’s calling you to action. Ask Him to show you His heart, even if that hurts.
Jeremiah 9:1
“If only my head were a pool of water and my eyes a fountain of tears, I would weep day and night for all my people who have been slaughtered.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
