Since I was accepted to go on the World Race, I have contemplated for months how I am going to manage my hair on this journey. If you have met me, you know I have been blessed with very thick, long, curly hair. I’ve considered everything from dreadlocks, to leaving it the same, to cutting it to my shoulders, and even a pixie cut.
My thoughts:
“If dread it, I will still have long hair, but it might be easier to manage. (Well, I tried a dread, and decided it wasn’t a good idea…what if I lost my curls forever because I damaged my hair that bad? I couldn’t possibly risk that.)”
“If I leave it how it is, it will be really beautiful and I will probably get a lot of comments on how beautiful my hair is….after all, everyone always admires my long curls…but it will be really hard to manage.”
“If I cut it to my shoulders, I will still be beautiful. People will still like my hair, I will still get lots of affirmation and attention from others and it will be a little easier to take care of.”
“If I chop it all off and do a pixie, it will be easiest to care for, but I don’t want to be ugly. The only reason I am beautiful is because of my long curly hair. If I don’t have my long curly hair, how will I be beautiful at all? (I even had a few people tell me to not cut my hair off, and that a pixie would NOT look good on me.)”
So I ruled out the pixie and the dreadlocks, and had pretty much decided I would just cut a few inches off to make it more manageable. During training camp, I saw how difficult it actually was to take care of my hair, but was still adamant on just taking a few inches off.
Finally, I had a real conversation with the Lord about my hair. He asked me what I was afraid of. I told Him my real emotions…the real reasons I didn’t want to cut it and wanted to leave it long. What He showed me rocked my world:
I’ve been prideful. I’ve been defining myself by my hair, by my looks….by what the world says about me. Since I was little, I have been known as the girl with the beautiful hair….the curly, thick, long hair that everyone envies. People knew who I was from behind because of my hair. Everyone wanted what I had. My hair is what made me beautiful, and if anything ever happened to it, I would not be beautiful anymore. I have feared losing my curly hair, because it was actually part of my character. I was putting something in a place in my heart and life where God actually wanted to be. I was putting my Heavenly Father’s opinion of me on the back burner for the sloppy seconds this world offers.
After showing me this, God replaced it with His truth.
You are beautiful, daughter. All your life, you’ve let the opinions of others define you. Your beauty has been defined by your hair, the way you look, the way you dress…and what others say and think about you. You have allowed yourself to be defined by lies. Your beauty is really defined by one thing…Me. You are beautiful because I am beauty, and I made you in My image! My beauty is not negotiable, so neither is yours. The issue of your value is dependent upon My value. My thoughts toward you are precious. Let me show you how beautiful you are, from the inside, out….surrender your definition of beauty to Me….and I will re-define you.
So, I surrender. I surrender my hair, my looks, and my desire to be affirmed by people and the world. I surrender to what my Heavenly Pappa says about me…that I am beautiful no matter what….and I will re-surrender every time someone tells me otherwise.
I know that when I stumble, He’ll be right there to pick me back up as I learn and grow in how He sees me.
