*Previously Written 09/24/12*
So, I'm listening to my jazz Pandora and I figured now would be as good of a time as any to reflect on what has happened in the last month. It has been a month of challenges, learning moments, and emotional strengthening.
A moment happened that made all of it so worth it. It was the first time I "spoke".
I was staying with a friend I met from bible study in WI. I was on her porch completely broken from the most severe spiritual warfare I've been in, in a long while. Those that know me knows that I used to smoke (ALERT CANDID ALERT) I've been free for several years now but was in the midst of having one with a fresh glass of wine. My friend gets a phone call and goes into the house to take it. I was starring out over a field with lush, beautifully ginormous trees trying not to break down. As I lifted the sig to my lips, I hear, "Put that down!" it was loud and blaring. I immediately throw the sig over the balcony. I knew this voice very well. I reached for the fresh glass of wine and I hear, "Don't drink that". I return the glass to it's resting place and I feel the presence of God in a thick, smothering kind of way. I began to repent of my shortcomings. I'm not at all worthy of being in His presence. At this point I was filled with bitterness, unforgivness, hatred and disappointment. He began to speak to me, " I have set you apart, I have called you unto myself, I've set a high call over your life and I have things for you to accomplish that are harder for the average person." He began to share with me why the hell I had just went through happened. He began to reveal the things He had scaled away in the process of all the emotional turmoil. Then out of no where I began to melt. All of the hatred I felt, the vengeance I wanted, the rectification I craved; it all melted away. My brain began to fill. Every crack and crevasse filled with peace. Then these words filled my mind. I didn't know what they meant, and at the time, where they came from. I remembered what a friend explained to me from Dallas about speaking in tongues and I began to speak. It was very low almost whisper. The words came for about 30 secs. I was completely in awe, then He spoke again. He gave me specific instructions and then it happened again. It was such a gentle and intimate place. I've often criticized this particular "gift". I've never done it until now and I was taught all the scriptures on how unlike it was actually happening today. I began to cry after the second time. I told Him that I would go wherever He wanted, that I would do whatever He wanted, that I would say whatever He told me to say. I told him that I belonged to Him, completely. I made vowed to live my life that way in new heights. No matter how foolish it looks or naive it sounded to man, I was at His disposal. Our time ended and I felt such a calming wave of peace and a deeper intimacy. I walked back into the house to join my friend. Crazy huh?
What he spoke and our intimate moment made 3 weeks of emotional craziness well worth it. So, I'm writing this on a train back to Dallas. I know without a doubt that there was a purpose to all of it. I'm excited to see my friends and loved ones and I seem to have my focus back. I'm ready to blast this deadline out of the water! I've been given great ideas and I can't wait to materialize them. I may never go back from whence I came but it is a valuable place. It is the cold, distant land that I experienced my first words.
Brooke Brooks *Written 09/24/12*
