Well, this is not how I envisioned my first week in Africa. Sure, I thought I’d be greeted by a guy in a loin cloth when I arrived, see lions on my way to my ministry site, where I just happen to live amongst giraffes and ride zebras to where I hold black babies all day. Isn’t that how you picture Africa? Instead, I have spent the week inside a hostel with green giraffes painted on the walls, playing online, enjoying hot showers, and hanging out with my squad. I’m talking about debrief time here in Kenya where we meet as a squad and regroup before heading back out on the field.
This time for me has been a much needed pit stop in this race. So far, this race has been a few months of hanging out with new friends, seeing a bit of the world, and trying to find some peace in the chaos around me. I arrived in Africa with a frustrated and confused spirit that was so far from who I came into this race being. Upon arrival, 2 of my closest friends left to return home and that shook me even more. I realized I needed to figure out what in the heck I was doing here because it was NOT what I originally thought. So I spent a couple of days wrestling with God, searching for truth and wisdom, and just wanting to hear something from the Lord again.
After worship last night, I still had no peace, still had no decision, and was still feeling the heaviness of what was before me. I walked into family time and spilled my stuff, being honest for the first time with these girls I merely lived with up until now. After a dramatic time, nothing was settled, and I had this unrest in me I couldn’t shake. In those final hours, in the quiet of the room with the green giraffes…HE spoke.
I heard TRUTH, real truth; from the Bible, from my mother, from His reminder of things said to me and spoken over me from the past. It poured out, my journal was filled with these truths. I was shown how God wanted me to use what I have been equipped with for the team, squad, and people of the nations. Who am I to say that is not my responsibility or desire?
So, I went to bed with a renewed joy and passion for this journey with new definition of what it is about. I woke up ready to start day 1, not day 127 on the race. I was already hearing from the Spirit of ways to speak to those around me and even words for myself. I started my day 1 in a quite humorous but fantastic way. I was playing guitar a bit this morning off by myself and as I strummed poorly, I was thinking-“I should play for the team or squad at some point, even just a song so that I practice more.” It wasn’t ten minutes after being back inside the hostel that a squad leader approached me and asked me lead a couple of songs of worship this morning!
Really God? Now? I couldn’t say no. So, I started this morning’s squad meeting with declaring to the squad that I was in this thing and that I was stepping into who I really am, even though they don’t know that person. I then played a couple of songs very badly on guitar truly to the glory of God and knew it was teaching me complete humility and courage. I enjoyed every second of the embarrassment and received so many words of love and encouragement from finally revealing myself that I see why God had brought me to that place of wrestling through this commitment. There are so many other testimonies and truths coming out of this pit stop that I’d love to share and will follow me into these next months. For now, I am excited to walk out honesty in this place in TRUTH so that the person people at home know and my God has put here is the person that is on X squad.
