I Wrestled with God.
“And Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of day”
Genesis 32:24
I sat there, alone in the darkness, atop my bed and waited. I waited to feel his presence. I waited to hear him speaking to me. Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned into what felt like an eternity.
Because you seemed to be so distant from me. In all the dust of this desert, I’ve lost sight of you, and of your love for me. And once the words started, I didn’t have the strength to stop them.
My walls crushed down around me, and all my pain, weaknesses, anger, frustrations, and longings bursted forth, without holding back.
I sat, with my heart and soul completely exposed, and I wrestled with God.
In Genesis chapter 32, it says that Jacob had sent all that he had ahead of him. All of his family, and belongs continued on, crossing the brook, leaving him alone in the wilderness. There “a man” wrestled with him until the breaking of day. He fought hard all night long. The bible says that Jacob did not prevail, until the man would bless him. In the morning he was left standing there, with a hip out of socket, and unanswered questions. But, not only was Jacob blessed, he was given a new name.
That night, my eyelids eventually grew to heavy for me to keep my eyes open any longer, and I tossed and turned and I surrendered to a hard night of fighting. With all my unanswered questions, still looming all around me.
But, in his perfect timing he spoke.
He came and met me in my brokeness.
He told me that my depth didn’t scare him.
He told me that he loved me enough to simply sit there with me.
With all of my unanswered questions.
With all my lack of faith.
He would carry me through this season.
and that he was going to bless me.
Suddenly, I remembered his glory. I recalled his majesty, and beauty. His goodness and faithfulness. How he had called me from darkness into glorious light.
He is I AM.
He is Holy God Almighty.
He Was, and Is, and Is to Come.
Sons and Daughters. Beloved of the Almighy;
He is bigger then your unanswered questions.
He is bigger then your unfulfilled dreams.
He is bigger then your unmet desires.
He sees your depth and loves you still.
In his love, he is longing for you to allow yourself to be carried in his arms.
Stay strong and courageous.
Keep fighting the good fight!
For it will all be worth it all in the end,
and there is growth blessings to be found in the pain of the fight.
