I have often been described as being very independent which I believe is a compliment. I have always wanted to try new things, do well in all things I put my mind to, make my own choices and take care of myself.
I enjoy my independence. I like being able to do things that I enjoy doing, when I want to do them. I like being able to get the things I need and want and go to places I want to go to. I enjoy travelling. I like watching movies, listening to music, and I like my ‘me’ time. I don’t like having to have a schedule or being told what to do or when to do it. And I never really realized how fiercely I guarded this independence until just 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes…my desire to do, do, do…go, go, go makes me unaware of those around me. I am so often focusing on what I am doing/want to be doing/need to be doing that I block out everything else.
So two weeks ago today, I had just completed my 36-hour bus ride to visit two of my very dear friends in Minnesota. Armed with my book, kindle, bible, journal, cellphone and iPod – I was ready for the trip. I was able to have two seats to myself for most of the time, and would stick my (rather large) backpack on the seat next to me. Just to mark my territory you know?
I was sitting and reading ‘Kingdom Journeys’ written by Seth Barnes, who is the founder of Adventures in Missions. I highly recommend it. Everybody should read it.
I was praying to God that He would help me to abandon the things that are standing in the way of me following His call on my life. I was praying for opportunities to share what He is doing in my heart and the way that His love has redeemed me and changed my life. And I heard Him speak….This is what He said:
“Bronwyn, how are you going to hear me calling to you, or feel the prompting of my Spirit if you aren’t paying attention to what is going on around you? How are you going to share my love when you are hiding behind a book and have earphones stuck in your ears.”
Now, please hear me: I don’t believe that these things are inherently bad or that I have to throw out all my books and get rid of my iPod. I don’t believe that was what God was saying either. BUT it did shake me up and made me realize some things…
It made me realize that often I pray prayers for God to give me the words to say or to show me people to love on as I begin my day. But then I spend the day running from errand to errand. Searching for wifi (like I was doing on the bus), hiding behind a computer screen, or thinking only about myself and my day and what I want to accomplish.
It opened my eyes to see, that I need to become more intentional about finding those opportunities where God wants to answer my prayers. That I need to look around and see the people who cross my path. That I need to sometimes stop listening to the music and focus on hearing the soft, small voice that speaks to my soul. It made me begin to see that the first thing I need to abandon is my desire for ‘independence’ – to be in control, to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and often selfish.
And so this is my ‘Declaration of Dependence’ – my declaration to abandon what I want for what God wants for me. To abandon my wants and needs to see how God wants me to serve others. To give up my ‘me’ time to put love and people first.
The lyrics of this song help to sum up what is on my heart right now:
