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Here are the lyrics of a Chris Rice song called The Power of a Moment. I feel that they succinctly describe what my heart has been crying out for a while.
What am I gonna be when I grow up?
How am I gonna make my mark in history?
And what are they gonna write about me when I’m gone?
These are the questions that shape the way I think about what matters
But I have no guarantee of my next heartbeat
And my world’s too big to make a name for myself
And what if no one wants to read about me when I’m gone?
Seems to me that right now’s the only moment that matters
You know the number of my days
So come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head
And come write Your wisdom on my heart
And teach me the power of a moment
In Your kingdom where the least is greatest
The weak are given strength and fools confound the wise
And forever brushes up against a moment’s time
Leaving impressions and drawing me into what really matters
I get so distracted by my bigger schemes
Show me the importance of the simple things
Like a word, a seed, a thorn, a nail
And a cup of cold water
So come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head
And come write Your wisdom on my heart
And teach me the power of a moment.
…
I've always asked lots of questions. Currently I'm asking myself, What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to do with all the things I am witnessing and learning? How do I want to use all the blessings God has poured out on my life? What does that look like? Because I’m changing and growing. I can’t remain the same. I have so many ideas about what’s next. A lot of them are really noble. So where do I anticipate I’ll be in 5 months? In a year?
I don’t know.
I took a Myers-Briggs personality test recently. It is an in depth analysis used by many professionals to study leadership qualities, as well as workplace and team dynamics. It is fairly accurate and is incredibly insightful. If you aren't familiar with it, look it up. Essentially, this test results in 1 of 16 defined personality types. These 16 personalities are based on 4 dichotomies or continuums:
Extraversion<—>Introversion
Sensing<—>Intuition
Thinking<—>Feeling
Judging<—>Perception
You will fall somewhere on each continuum and it is rare to fall to onto an extreme end or exactly in the middle. People usually fall somewhere closer in the middle of each scale but definitively on one side. For example, you could be 30% introverted and 70% extraverted in your tendencies. That would give you an E for the first dichotomy. Your score can vary over time as people grow and change.
My result this time was INFJ. INFJ personalities of any age can be summed up in one question:
“What do I want to be when I grow up?”.
When I read that I nearly fell over laughing. No wonder a common theme in my walk with the Lord has been, Just be present, Brittney. I’ve got a plan for you. It’s gonna be wild. Just wait.
As I continued reading on several websites about INFJ personalities, I began to gain more perspective. I gained insight on my strengths and weaknesses. Combining that with truth from God’s word and from my Christian community here about my true identity in Christ, I felt I had a revelation.
I have to know who I am and Whose I am.
Socrates summed it up pretty well when he said, “Know thyself.”
You have to know yourself so that you don’t burn with somebody else’s fire. I want to burn with the fire and passions that God gives ME. I want Abba to come and paint HIs pictures, visions, and dreams on the canvas in my head. I want the outpouring of my relationship with Abba to be distinct. Not Jesus and Seth Barnes and mine. Not Jesus, my team’s and mine. Not Jesus, Invisible Children and mine. I don’t want to jump on the bandwagon. All the ideas I’ve had about what’s next have all been for noble causes and I believe I could honestly contribute to them but I am not burning with a passion for any of them. I’m settling for burning with somebody else’s vision and passion that God has given them.
And it’s so alluring when somebody burns with the fire God has given them, isn’t it? You say to yourself, I want that. I want that fire, that joy, that passion.
I’ve shared on previous blogs that I have been really trying to stay in the moment and out of the future. Some of you may not understand that struggle. I’m finally becoming ok with that. The victories that come out of that struggle will be a result of the refining fire that is uniquely mine that I am burning with. I hope that if you are reading this and burning with somebody else's fire and not your own, you will stop and reflect and invite the Lord to paint His pictures on the canvas in your head.
Blessings.
Pray today for:
My coccyx, I think I cracked it being adventurous. haha
The Lord to teach me the power of a moment and that I would remember the lesson.
That I would boldly burn with my own fire and not somebody else’s.
