As I begin to type I find my hands shaking. My nerves are rattled and I’m a little scarred. But see there is a story I need to share with you. A story about a baby girl who turns into a hurt and angry teenager; who then turns into a lying and confused young adult; who is currently on her journey to becoming a fearful and loving woman.
It all started on February 10th, 1988 when this beautiful baby girl was born!
Happy and smiling she was brought into this world. Everything was perfect or so it seemed. Fast forward a little bit. Not quite sure what year, but what happened that day is a perfect memory. The little girl lived at her grandmother’s house with her mother and siblings. Her mother told her “go into the hallway closet and get me a pop.” The little girl ran briskly to the closet. She looked to her left and in the hallway was a man. The man, however, didn’t look familiar to her. The little girl asked her mother “Mommy who is this man in the hallway.” The mother stated “that’s your father.” For years the little girl would be subjected to a Father who would walk in and out of her life due to long stents of jail and prison time.
Fast forward yet again. The little girl’s father was finally steadily around. For so long the little girl just wanted to feel the love of a Father and finally she had it. She chased after that feeling that she wanted to feel from her father willing to do anything to make sure that he loved her the same way he loved her siblings. Her father began making jokes about her breasts, and how she was starting to look more and more like a little woman. The little girl didn’t know at the time, but her father was sick. He was a drug addict, a sex addict, and an abuser; and things were about to go very wayward. Her father started to sexually abuse the little girl at the age of 10. Not just once every few months, or a few times a month, I mean at least 5 times a week if not more. He made the little girl do things that she can’t even say in words to people as an adult. At first it was all fun and games. She had intercourse with her father, because no one told her that’s not what she should be doing.
Let’s move even further into the future. The little girl is not so little anymore. She is about 14 years old and she has so much hatred for everyone around her. The abuse with her father is still going, but now she knows what she’s doing is wrong; yet it has not stopped. Her father has threatened her so she is not able to tell anyone her story. On top of the sexual abuse, her father starts mentally abusing her. Telling her she’s too fat and that she needs to lose weight. He even went as far as putting her on a diet where she had to lose 2 lbs. a week or get a whooping with 3 belts. The girl became bulimic. She loved food and didn’t want to stop eating it, but she had to lose the 2 lbs. per week or she would be beat. She grew up in the church, but she didn’t believe in God. She didn’t think there was this “God” who loved her, because she had to come home and be physically, sexually, and mentally abused. She despised this so called “God” that they had taught her about. Then the self-mutilation, the drinking, the smoking weed, the lying, the cheating, and the stealing began; all because she hated her life. The only way that she was able to get through day-to-day living was the numbing of her body and spirit.
Fast forward again. It’s January 2007 and the little girl is now a woman. She has graduated from High School and currently attends a University in the city of Chicago. She is currently moving her things to her apartment in Chicago. The abuse can no longer happen in the form of her father, because he will not be there; however, other things can happen. It was in 2007 where she decided to fill that void of a “man” in her life by having intercourse nonstop. Not with a lot of men, she can count them on 1 hand, but the same things that was happening with her father; at least 3 times a week. She didn’t notice it then, but because of what happened to her as a child she began to do as an adult. Pornography, sexual addiction, and perversion became important to her; more important than her education, more important than her friends and family, and definitely more important than God. Her relations with the opposite sex were unhealthy and a joke. She began using people the same way she grew up watching others use people. She didn’t care about anyone but herself.
It wasn’t until lying in a hospital bed in May of 2007 grasping for her life, that the wheels started turning. As she sat with a tube up her nose and staples in her stomach, she knew right then and there that she couldn’t keep doing things the way she wanted to do. Living life selfishly for herself had failed her. She had nothing to show for herself. She was a complete wreck and an utter disaster.
February 2008 was the best month of her life. Yea she decided that maybe she should look into God in 2007, but this was the day she accepted Him again as her Lord and Savior and re-dedicated her life to Christ. Life didn’t all of a sudden pick up and turn around for the good. It was a long process, but she has been able to find FREEDOM IN CHRIST!
She is now a beautiful young woman striving to follow God’s plan for her life. She is a believer, a leader, a lover, a fighter, a mentor, a sister, a friend, and most importantly she belongs to God! She loves working with kids and sharing her life with others so that they can see there is a glimpse of hope in a dark tunnel.
This is where we’ll leave it. All the hurt, all the pain, all the frustration, all the guilt, all the hatred, all the loss, all the failure; we’ll leave it right here on this keyboard! I’ve shared with you a story about a girl who does not exist anymore, but her story is still very valuable and real. Her story is living proof that there is a God that loves you with all of His being. Sometimes we find ourselves asking believers the hard questions. For instance, “If there is a God why would he allow this little girl go through so much?” Or even “If there is a God why would he allow His people to starve?” Colossians 1:16 tells us that everything was created for God: “For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him.” We cannot question God; for He knows what we have to go through as a people to get to the throne room. No one ever said that life was going to rainbows and roses! There has to be a struggle. The devil cannot and will not prevail over our God. You must begin to believe that in your heart and carrying that with you daily. Learn to live. Learn to forgive. Learn to love God and His people unconditionally. Learn to trust God. They will be the best things you will ever do.
So there’s the story. Not just any story, but a story of a woman with purpose. A story that God isn’t quite yet finished with. And that’s where I leave it, on the keyboard. Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you!
Deuces!
Brit
