Have you ever fallen in love at first sight? I’m not talking that lukewarm, maybe, kinda, sorta could see it happening one day kinda love either. I mean the real, passion filled, want to be with them every minute of every day, relentless, and overwhelming for you and them kinda love. If you have had this kind of love and it happened at first sight – wow, I will admit I’m envious. This is not something I have ever experienced and likely never will. I’m far too relational, contemplative, and indecisive for that. February was a month that God was teaching me a lot about love (what a cheesy romantic kinda guy picking to Valentine’s Day for that lesson). I wanted nothing more than to love Him in the ways that I see some of my squad mates love Him – with incredible passion. I felt like my love was the size of a pebble and theirs was a mountain range. God gave me some revelation on those comparisons and thoughts about the relationship I had with Him.
It all started out with reading the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan. My eyes were opening to the kind of love I should be walking in towards my heavenly father. I started to recognize that I was lacking. I began praying to God to create a love in me towards Him that was unexplainable. I wanted to be romanced by Him much like the bride He has called us to be. In the same breath I was also pretty ashamed that this wasn’t already a natural desire of my heart. Shouldn’t my love for my father just come naturally? Shouldn’t I just be able to love Him without trying? I prayed and asked God these questions and continually prayed that He would let that love grow within me.
One day while praying, a question popped into my head straight outta left field – “Brittany, have you ever been in love at first sight?” God was posing a question to me in response to my prayer. I immediately knew the answer: no, never ever. It then became clear that just like any other love I had experienced in my life, it would take getting to know Him, learning to trust Him, becoming super vulnerable and sharing intimate and deep thoughts with Him, and also allowing Him to do the same with me. This is a relationship after all, and any deep relationships we have blossom from time, commitment, and willingness to work at it. It’s no different for the relationship with God. God also showed me that I am never going to love Him as much as He loves me – so stop striving to do so.
Writing this all out makes it seems so simple. All this time I claim that it’s not religion that I have, but relationship. I was living in a very shallow version of this relationship because I was letting my words be more important than my actions. I wasn’t putting what I was proclaiming into action. I needed to put the time and effort into my verbal claims. I absolutely love and try to live by the motto, “Actions speak louder than words”. I figured it was a pretty solid statement and thing to live by and never realized that it was in fact biblical. In 1 John 3:18 it states, “Dear children, we must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words.” I can claim I love God until I am blue in the face but if I am not intentionally and diligently seeking relationship with Him, that knowledge of that passionate love is never going to move from knowing it in my head to knowing it in my heart and soul. I am learning so much about His love for me and my love for Him and letting that grow organically. He loves us each uniquely and dearly and my relationship with Him will look much different from relationship with others.
God has called me into a time of getting to know Him deeper so I can fall deeper in love with Him. This means that the hard times and struggles are also a little tenser. I am learning to not be scared to hash it out with Him and to ask the hard questions and wait for answers (although I don’t always get them or need to get them). I am not made to understand God but He understands me. He is challenging me into a season of spending my personal time with Him with no agenda. Getting to know Him doesn’t necessarily look like spending a set amount of time daily in His word for me right now (although I do recognize and appreciate the importance of this too). It can look like listening to a podcast, painting with watercolors while listening to worship music, recognizing His beauty in nature while out for a run, connecting through a variety of books about Him, or even discussion with people about Him and what He is doing with them right now. He reaches out to us where we are and lovingly draws us to where He wants us to be. It truly is the greatest love there is.
I really am learning that these words are truth, “You can love me more in a moment than any other lover could in a lifetime” The More I Seek You – Bethel
