It was exactly a year ago that I flew to Atlanta to launch for the World Race.
Now, I am living at home and trying to fit into a mold that seems I may never fit into. I am looking for a job and on the hunt for an affordable mode of transportation. I am starting over in a new church and new community. I am in a place where I don’t have close friends living nearby, so I’m also in the process of building new and hopefully lasting friendships.
A year ago I felt invincible. I was about to embark on a journey that I would never want to leave. A year ago I was ready to live uncomfortably and so willing to take risks for the sake of Jesus. A year ago I was convinced that no matter what challenge I faced, I was going to be okay.
Now for some reason, my mindset has shifted. I can’t say that I feel the same way. But why is that? Why is it that I feel like I am not prepared enough for the “real world” in America? Why do I feel like I need to change based on my circumstances instead of stand firm in who I am and allow that to change the environment that surrounds me? Why is “World Race Brittany” so different from “American Brittany”?
It’s frustrating. I feel like I’ve let people and myself down. I’ve made all these changes and I feel like none of them are being applied here and now. On the Race, I lived for my early morning times with the Lord as early as 5:30am. Now, you won’t catch me even considering a time like that! On the Race, I made decisions because I felt the Lord moving in my heart. Now, I find myself more likely to make decisions based on what people around me say. These are all really hard things to come to terms with. How could I be so changed and transformed yet come home and not know how to be that same person in America?
Well, as pity-party as this sounds…I’ve got some good news! I’ve found that as much as I struggle to stand firm and as much as I’ve seen myself hardly weather the storms, God hasn’t changed one bit. Luckily, He is not influenced by my behavior. I wish I could confidently say that no matter what, nothing can shake me. But the truth is that I have been shaken a lot coming home. But the hope that I have in Jesus hasn’t changed. I know that His promises are true and that I can cling to them when everything around me seems so unknown and uncertain.
So as I continue to move forward and as more racers come home, I have a prayer. My prayer is that we don’t deny the work that God has started in us and instead walk in it. My prayer is that our zeal to discover the depths of God’s heart never shrinks. My prayer is that we never lose intimacy that was created on or off the race. My prayer is that we stick together and encourage one another as we walk our journeys at various paces. My prayer is that we stay real with others and with ourselves; it’s okay to not be okay. My prayer is that we establish what is true and dedicate our lives to that. My prayer is that circumstances don’t define our joy. My prayer is that when we find less of ourselves, we find more of Jesus.
Another thank you to all of my supporters for continued prayers and encouragement. As always, it is greatly appreciated! Stay tuned for what is to come. While I know I have a season at home for the next year, God is starting to develop strong desires in my heart for what will follow! I’m very excited for the plans He has for me. This year may be challenging, but God is continuing to give me strength for all things new. Also, I’m home! As I look for a job, I have a lot of free time. So let’s get coffee and chat if you’re around and up for it! I’d love to hear how your year went and share stories and pictures from the field.
