I had this vision the other day sitting in my car. I was sitting there and God's arms were wrapped around me but all I could do was kick and scream and fight to get out. I have no idea why but sometimes I think it is my nature to run from God. I guess I'm not the only one though…Adam and Eve did it at the beginning of creation. Guess I must have inherited it from them. Darn those genes. Anyways, as I am sitting there struggling to get out of the arms of my heavenly Father and run to the arms of my past, God reminded me of something. He reminded me of another vision I had this summer in Africa when I chose into freedom from my past. (If you don't know what I am talking about, you can read about it my bio. Just click on the "Who am I???" link on the left hand side) He reminded me of the the barrier He placed between me and who I used to be. He spoke over me and said, "I told you that I would never let you go back and I meant it. No matter how much you struggle and no matter how much you try and run, I will never let go. You are my child. Trust that I know what is best."
Honestly, that concept is really hard for me to accept. I am child which means that I am dependent on my Father. Even if I don't understand why, I need to trust that He can see things that I can't. Faith. I have to have faith. Easier said than done….You know, it's kind of funny. I just realized that I treat God the same way I treated my parents growing up. I remember when I first got into my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, Daniel, my parents gave me all this advice about not getting too physical and staying away from settling down to quickly and getting too dependent on each other. At the time, I thought they had no idea what they were talking about. I was 18 and obviously knew everything. (sarcasm in case you didn't get that) I really didn't embrace the idea of still being their child. I didn't accept the fact that they could probably see more than I could. I was acting, as I have been called before, like a spoiled brat or as my step-dad likes to say, I had the "spoiled brat syndrome." I wanted them to provide for me but I just didn't want to hear any of their advice, even if I don't show it. Well, after Daniel and I broke up, I remember thinking that I really wished I had followed their advice. (It was one of those "I told you so" type of things but luckily they love me and never actually said that. So, parents if you are reading this….Thank you. I really do appreciate you being there for me, even when you did everything you could to help me avoid the very mess that I got myself into. You guys are truly amazing) Little shout out to the folks. Anyways, I finally realized that wisdom does come with age sometimes.
After that experience, I really do trust their advice so much more. I firmly believe that they love me and want what is best for me. I want to learn from them, even when I don't understand it. Why is it that I feel that way about my imperfect earthly parents, but can't seem to trust my almighty, heavenly Father? It just seems crazy. Why can't I completely trust God? Why do I continue to turn away from His wisdom and live my life the way I think I should? Wanna know what I think? It's the same concept I stated before. I am acting like a spoiled brat. Sure, I have accepted the benefits from being a child of God but I have not fully embraced the idea of surrendering my control when I take on the role of a child. I pray to God and ask Him to provide for me as a Father but I refuse to trust Him as a child trusts their parents. So, I have a question for whomever is reading this: What does it really mean to be a child of God? Not what benefits do I get from accepting that role? But, how does accepting the role of a child change how I live my life? I would love to know your input. Facebook me or simply leave me a comment below. 🙂
ps. These lyrics don't directly coorelate with this post but I do really like them. They remind me of my vision I spoke about in the very beginning.
Who could accept all your pounding and screaming
Your raging, your freaking, cussing, and beating
All while He holds you and always forgiving
This is the story of love and of living
Hookers and Robbers by Charlie Hall
