I could see her brown eyes under her dark bangs as she sat with her arms crossed in my classroom. More than likely she was a daughter of one of the women who lined the streets of Thailand’s biggest red light district. Abba House was a safe haven that helped her escape the lure of the streets and provided a hope for a better future.
Between pursed lips, she repeated her English lessons back to me but never missing an opportunity for an eye roll in my direction. Her obvious dislike for me resulted in a domino effect to the rest of the girls in the room.
By this point, I had been teaching English for three months in Asia and had established a tradition of high fives and hugs at the end of every class. Relentlessly, all the girls walked by and accepted my gesture until the time came for the one student my heart truly longed to hold. She looked at me and I could see that she wanted no part of my embrace. I watched as she turned and climbed out of my classroom window.
Something in me shifted as the realization of what just took place set in. This girl, whom I so longed to love, chose to jump out of a classroom window so she wouldn’t have to endure the hug I desperately desired to give.
To be honest, I wanted to be the one that softened her hardened heart. I wanted to be the one that was different than all the rest. That my love for her would be the one she’d remember. But this girl had experienced hurt in her life. True hurt. And the last thing she wanted was to develop a relationship with a bunch of American women. This was a first. I had become so accustomed to kids running into my arms and begging to ride on my shoulders.
This was not the case.
They don’t have to like you for you to show them My love.
There it was. Hearing the Lord’s voice speaking such truth was like a pill I wasn’t ready to swallow. It was always so easy for me to love kids because they always loved me. But now God was challenging me to love and not expect anything in return. True love that could only come from Him. The love that this girl deserved and not for my own selfish ego. From that day I began to fight for these girls, regardless of how they acted towards me. It was hard. Most days I was left feeling defeated but my fight for them never faltered. As the Lord was stripping me away from my identity as “the girl all the kids like,” He also began to tear down the walls the girls had built up towards me. My eyes were opened to seeing them in a new light and they allowed me to see just a small glimpse of their heart during our last days together.
Who is God asking you to love? Not “I’m doing this because I’m getting something in return” kinda love, either. But true genuine love that can only come from the Father’s heart that has been poured into you. The very kind of love that died on the cross for you and I.
It’s hard but it’s so worth it.
