So hello everyone! I am leaving in a week! Can you believe it? Because I sure can’t! It’s amazing how time flies! I’m even more so excited that you guys get to take this journey with me! Because if you are reading this, you are already involved with this ministry! It’s so strange. I turn 21 this Friday and then the next day I leave to launch with my team in FL! I’m so excited! I think all the doubt and fear has left me which is SO NICE! Now I’m just in kind of a haze.
I have had so many thoughts going thru my head lately. Like what life is going to be like when I get back? How will everyone and the life I know be different? How will I be changed? What will I want to do with my life? Where will I want to be? What will God have in store for me then? Will my dog still love me as much after he thinks I’ve left him? Will I still want to act? Will I want to go into the ministry full time? And if so, what type of ministry calling will I have?
I also am sad to say that I will be missing things like births, deaths, weddings, birthdays, holidays, shows, times when my friends are down and I can’t comfort them, and just dealing with the fact that I won’t be able to be as involved with the people I care about’s lives….
I feel like I’m about to enter a bubble and try to save my life back home and just keep it in the back of my brain until I get back and I’m worried that when I actually come back, that bubble won’t be avalible anymore. What happens when my life completely changes? What will I do when people aren’t who they used to be and how will I deal with it? People change. And I know I’m not the only one in the world or my life that will change this next year. I feel like I’m about to enter a dream (More like a coma since it last 11 months) and it’s going to be awesome but when I get back everything will be different.
I sometimes just wish I could go back to being a little kid and relive everything and just hold on to every memory knowing what I know now. But the race has let me appreciate life and people in a whole new way so I am thankful for that.
I have talked a lot about dreams and angels lately, and I would like to share with you guys something that happened with me yesterday.
So I’m up here in Cleveland Ohio and I’m just hanging out at the hotel while my parents are in meetings for a company called ACN. ACN has taken OVER CLEVELAND. It’s pretty crazy! Things have gone haywire for most of this trip. We got here and had to change hotels, had some personal tragedy that happened back home in AL, and even ran out of gas in downtown Cleveland! And like I said before, I’m already an emotional wreck and trying my hardest not to cry because I HATE CRYING IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY because they end up crying, and it just gets messy. Lol… One of my buddies is also up here with us and I’m just not a big fan of crying in front of my friends either… So I have held it in and let my feelings out thru anger. I know it’s not the most and greatest thing in the world but I’m trying to be honest with you. I have been angry about a lot of silly things lately to avoid the real and true problem that I feel like I’m going to lose them and I’m going to miss them SO MUCH. One of the scariest things has been seeing them join ACN. ACN is a great company and I know that now but before I was just upset because here I was leaving everything behind and leaving money behind and all of a sudden I see them going to networking parties like I used to and it scared me. Like, what if I leave and then come back and my parents care about things that I once loved but have since given up… like, clothes, shoes, money,…. Who will they be and how will they change in just one year? Just things that aren’t bad but I know from personal experience that it can chew a person up and spit them out like a piece of gum in a split second! I haven’t known much about the company and yesterday as I was sitting at dinner with them and my parents team… I was just angry. Let me add that this is RIGHT AFTER we had run out of gas in the middle of downtown Cleveland and it was so bad… hahaha… I felt like coming up here was a huge waste of time because I’m SERIOUSLY lacking in funds right now, I have so much to do and NO TIME. And I just felt like I had wasted away a few days when I could have been spending time with people I love and instead of spending money up here when I could have been raising it and being in a hotel room with my brother for a few days. I kept arguing with God in my head and sure enough everything that I threw up at him, he threw back in my face. I don’t know if any of you have ever had a legit arguement with God but FYI, he always wins….. Lol… So you prob should just give up asap.
God has a funny way of working sometimes but anyway, It was like Bruce Almighty when he was giving Bruce all the signs like to “STOP” and all that good stuff…. I realized that I had somewhat forgotten my mission and had made it about the money and stressing out over it and I was trying to blame everyone else for feeling that way instead of myself. I was so down about it that I went outside to talk to my friend (who is actually just a few hours away over in Buffalo) and he was just making fun of me for being upset. There was a street musician playing when we were out there and it was just like a scene from a movie…. And then I saw him!
In the midst of all the suits and ties from the 24,000 ACN people this guy walks by me who looks like he hasn’t showered in a couple days, a beard, and a backpack strapped to his back. He was like an angel and as I just starred in amazement I saw my dad down the block and he was giving me the eye and shoeing me over to talk to him! So I waited until I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I just yell out. “Hey, dude with a backpack!” (Real classy and specific right?) and he just turned around, looked at me and smiled as we met in the middle of the city block. I introduced myself and then he casually said his name…. “DREAMER”…. WOW! He was like an angel sent straight down to remind me why I was doing this. He was on his way back home from backpacking to NY. As we laughed and talked about eating pizza from dumpsters, I felt like I was with my squad again. I feel like I was supposed to meet him. Right then. Right there. And just meeting him and talking to him about his journey honestly made me feel so much better and it made coming to Ohio worth it. As I gave him an old carton of cigs that had been given to me months ago and since I don’t smoke they have just been there in my purse randomly… I gave him the cigs and sent Dreamer on his way. I also gave him my WR bookmark on it… So Dreamer, if you’re reading this, I think you’re awesome and you should totally add me on facebook or comment this! =)
You made my day and you didn’t even know it. =)
And also, for the record, I think ACN is awesome and has actually pulled my parents up already. Their mission is to help american families spend time with their loved ones and just not worry about money. I think we’ve been worried about money so long that I can’t even imagine my life where it’s not going without and living pay check to pay check! They’re not a bunch of random money people… They have stories just like I do and have been thru similar things as my family. So I think it’s awesome what you guys are doing! And I’m happy my parents found you and joined up! And yesterday, they were more in line with my goals and mission then I was!
I was so freaked out about running out of gas that I didn’t even pay attention to the guys in business suits that could have just passed us by but instead helped out, and went to get gas, and then when we found out we needed a funnel to get the gas in, they didn’t freak out but just stayed positive and were so eager to take time out of their life and plans and help us out… Truth is, ACN is the bomb and full of hardworking, caring people who just want to help others. I was wrong for judging them. And I look forward to the years ahead that are sure to be lined with living it up and helping others! Also, thank you for reminding me and getting me back on track. This weekend hasn’t been a waste. I spent time with my little brother who I NEVER see. And I got to see my parents excited =) so thank you.
Also, I would like to add that I got to see one of my squadmates Alison up here! It was so great and it was so nice to talk to someone who was going thru the same thing as I was. All in all, Cleveland wasn’t that bad! =0)
Anyway, I guess I better get going. I need to pack up the hotel so we can head back home in a couple hours! Pray for me and my family this week. It’s going to be hard saying goodbye! Also, please pray that I just forget about worrying about the money and support raising and not let it take over why I am doing this. It looks like I will be trying to raise money from the field. I lack around $10,300 for my account, $350 for insurence for the year, $2000 for my spending and living money for the year, and a way to get from home to Ft Lauderdale FL next week…. Ah! Here we go. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but it’s GOING TO HAPPEN. Love you all!
And if I don’t get to see you this week, know that you’re in my heart and there is no real reason to say goodbye anyway… More like a “See you later” ;p
Fearlessly,
Britt.
