Okay, so I’m scared. I’m freaking out. This is so hard for me. Time is passing by so fast and yet so slow. I’m so excited to leave and dive in to my calling but it does scare me. My saying is “If it scares you, do it.” So what would be the point if it didn’t scare me? I’m okay with leaving and all that jazz… But I guess I always thought it would be the same when I got back. I mean, sure I may change and I’m sure I will but shouldn’t everyone back home be exactly the same? NO! They shouldn’t and they’re not going to be. That scares the hell out of me. These last few weeks are coming up so fast! And I have prepped myself for change but I think I have done a bad job because it’s just been with me. I never once thought that my best friends and family would change for 11 months but fact is, I know they will. People will die and I can’t do anything about it. People will move away and not be here when I get back. People will join the army, get married, and live their life. And I will NOT be a part of ANY of that! This is all hitting me so hard the past couple days.
Yesterday, I went out to lunch with my friend, Tyler. He told me he is about to get a great job about an hour or so away and I’m so happy for him. But then he told me he could be transferred somewhere farther away by the time I got back. Okay, that’s cool… Kinda sad but I will be able to see him still.
Then I met up with my best friend Nathaniel to go shopping for poster stuff for fund raising. We went out to get ice cream at this AMAZING shop in downtown that’s been open for just over 100 years! (Yes Florence people if you’re reading this, I went to trollbridges) YUMMY!… Anyway as I was eating my “Oh my gosh” he started talking to me about the army. He joined while I was at training camp when I couldn’t talk him out of it. He and I started doing the math and turns out… He should be going out into the war around next June. GREAT! He is going to be leaving when I am coming home! AWESOME! … I was kind of upset and it made me realize that I might not have much time with him the next few years so I needed to embrace the next few weeks. I wish I could just hug him and not let go until I had to get on the plane for Haiti.
We got back to his house and started figuring out what to put on my posters. He poured me some lemonade and it was like we were 12 years old again. We laughed and had a coloring war… Talking smack about who was the best colorer… hahaha!
After that, I went to see my other best friend and talk to her about Nathan joining the army… I started freaking out and crying as she just grabbed my hand leading me back out to the car… Where she fed me MORE ICE CREAM! I told her about my going away and birthday party plans only to find out she is leaving for the summer in oh… well…. Next week? I immediately broke down…
Truth is, I have been so concerned with my own life and plans I have looked over other’s plans. We are all growing up… And it sucks. And as we get closer to leaving it’s in my face more and more each day. Also that my old dreams and plans are out the door, It just kind of sucks.
Oh well, ready or not… Here we go…
