We were asked to write a blog about how we were called to the World Race. Here is my story…
So where do I begin? I have been performing on stage since I was 6 years old. My entire life has been pushed into the direction of working in the arts field. I always thought I would end up making a living acting on the big screen, playing viola in a huge symphony orchestra, or making money writing hit songs. And in the past year, I’ve really started doing that. I landed my dream job at a talent and modeling agency, I learned so much about the business, and did a few films and tv shows. I can’t lie and say it was all bad. I’ve met so many amazing people along this journey, but for some reason it just wasn’t what I was expecting or wanted. I was shopping one day and I looked up at a girl who looked like she hadn’t eaten in 2 years and was 8 feet tall and my mind instantly thought “MODEL”. When I realized that I had just judged that girl and had even thought about aspiring to be like her for half a second… That is the moment I realized that this business was not for me. It made me seriously take a step back and look at myself. I remember looking in the mirror and not even recognizing my face. It was prob covered with make up and hidden behind fake eye lashes. I remember thinking to myself about how I had changed and then I started thinking about the person I once was.
I once was an outcast… And I didn’t care. I remember being jealous of the girl I used to be. The girl that didn’t know what this season’s color was… I started pondering on things such as this but tried to brush it off. After all, I was having the time of my life! Movies, after parties, meeting famous people, spilling beer on Lee Major’s shoe at a party. I was living the high life! But I was still unhappy for some reason.
I met a friend of mine a year ago and this person watched me transform into a monster. This person was the one person who would call me on my wrongs. The person who knew what I was thinking even when I didn’t say a word. I was blessed to have this person come into my life. I wrote a blog about them calling them a “transition angel”. That’s my term for people who God places in your life when you need help or just your flashlight to get back to the pathway God has for you. And once they change you and do their duty, they’re gone.
I remember being at a party this past summer where most of my friends were there. I remember staying up all night, dancing, and then something hit me. I hit rock bottom the morning after. I don’t know what happened but in a conversation the next morning, my life was changed. I didn’t want to be the person I had become. I wanted to go back to the nerdy Brittany who everyone thought was just the funny loud girl. I missed her. I was determined that morning to get her back. I fell to my knees walking down a little pathway cleared out for an old set of railroad tracks. I asked God to forgive me and to show me the way back to the road my life was suppose to be taking. The tears came down that day and my secret demons I had been carrying around with me for so long came out of my soul.
Suddenly, I felt free. But I was still looking for something to satisfy my need for something more in this life. I started looking up camps and weekend conferences that a few friends of mine from church and I could go to. (We’re always up for a road trip!) ;p And I stumbled across the world race. At first, I just thought it was really cool looking but I thought I would never survive something like that. As I started showing my friends some of the videos I had found, I realized that THIS TRIP was what I had been LOOKING FOR! Pretty soon, I was hooked. I realized that this was my chance to start living for something other then myself and to stop being so selfish… A chance to GROW UP and be positively influenced for 11 WHOLE MONTHS! It scared me, but it was the answers to all my questions and thoughts I had been having.
This trip scares me. But that’s what’s so exciting about it! And even though my walk with God hasn’t been constant or steady… Dealing with things like sex, drugs, and rock and roll, a close friend dying, losing my fiance, all those nights spent crying myself to sleep and hurting…. Blaming God…. RECOVERY……All those nights led up to now… This moment.
And in the words of Jonathon Larson in one of my favorite musicals of all time, RENT (Which I will be performing in this next Feb BTW) “NO DAY BUT TODAY”!!!!
Every story has an end, but in life, every ending is just a new begining.
Life is devine chaos.
EMBRACE IT.
FORGIVE YOURSELF.
BREATHE.
And enjoy the ride…..
