(I still need $3700 by Friday to be able to launch. So if your going to donate, today would be a perfect day:) God broke down my walls at training camp. Training camp was a mandatory week long camp with training sessions. It was held in White, Georgia at Camp Cherokee (something). This training camp was meant to give us a bit of reality of what could possibly happen along The World Race. That included hiking with all of our stuff, sleeping in our tents and hammocks, having cultural food for the different continents (ever had a spicy rice dish, cold french fries and a hard boiled egg, or curry with rice for breakfast?), having to share our tent and blanket with our partner because half our luggage 'hadn't arrived yet', sitting on the floor or standing up while eating, not being able to use silverware (multiple people eating out of one dish with their hands), getting to experience an 'African market', and so on. Our mornings started out by having to have all of our belongings packed, including our tent, by 7am. Then we had our daily workout till 7:30. Following that was quiet time until 8, and then at 8 was 'breakfast'. Most of the time, it wasn't your typical breakfast of scrambled eggs and pancakes, or a nice bowl of cereal. Sometimes, breakfast was a Mexican egg bake, or a chicken broth based egg bake, or curry and rice. And for our day in Africa; cold plain french fries, a small orange, and a hard boiled egg. Each day we were in a different continent. So we learned about that areas customs, history, and traditions that were on a paper that we received at meal time. After each meal, one of the squads (D,E, F, and G) had cleanup, which included washing the dishes, sweeping the floors, and folding the tables.
Then we had a mini worship session then lectures or lessons. Then we had lunch. After that, we had team building activities and more lectures or activities . After that, we had dinner, and then after that we had worship time (which was awesome). Our squad usually ended the night by our bonfire either jamming to music, or hanging out and talking. It was awesome.
The first few days during worship time, I kinda felt a little bit disconnected. Like if I was in a light fog. I had one of our leaders pull me aside one of the times and talked with me, and told me that she was praying, and felt God was revealing to her that I had walls built up around my heart and that I was trying to protect myself. The crazy thing, was that I had a few others ask me if I had ever dealt with depression, or anxiety, or trust issues (which i replied, yes) And said they felt like I had walls built up around my heart, and that it was ok to let go. (Not knowing that each other had talked with me) and you have to realize something. Most of us had just met in person for the first time just two or three days prior. God was definitely moving in all of our hearts. And really working on mine.
I felt as if I had the right to be protecting myself. There were reasons why I had grown to build up walls around my heart. I had reasons to why I had trust issues . I also had just met a lot of these people, so it was mind blowing that they could see my heart (through lots of prayer, and talking). It was through these conversations that I started realizing that I did have walls built up, and boundaries to my trust. I also had thoughts of worrying about what everyone thought of me. And i also had a lot of doubts.
I had just told a few of my teammates that I was a pretty tough person, and that I wasn't very emotional, and that I kept a lot to myself. I think when God heard that, he just laughed. We learned a lot about the Holy Spirit. We did a lot of prayer activities and blind faith prayers. (I'll explain more in my next blog:)). Well, in the middle of the week, a little bit over half way through camp at one of our late night sessions that had all 4 squads, plus our leaders and wr alumni, we had this speaker who reminded me of those televangelist you see on tv on Sunday mornings. At first, I kinda thought he was a bit crazy. I was very skeptical. Especially when he got talking about healing prayers, and said things like 'I feel as if there is someone here that/who ……..' I kinda didn't know what to think as he would speak, and then cut into a random prayer, and then jump back in, and then say a healing prayer over someone.
As he went on, a few things really hit me and caught my attention. It was as if he knew everything that had happened in my life, and everything that was going on in my heart. I started crying, but was trying my best to hold it in. Then we had to pray with a partner. I prayed with this awesome girl on my squad, and I think we both started to cry. We turned back to the speaker and he started speaking again. At that point, God had stolen my heart and grabbed my attention. I was in the middle of the crowd (we were all standing because there weren't any chairs this session), and as he was walking back and forth preaching, he stopped and pointed me out as he kept on preaching. He looked me right in the eyes and spoke truth and life. I can't remember everything that he said. But a few things he said, were that God loved me, that he was my Father and protector, that no matter what i had done in my past, that there was nothing i could possibly do to change that fact that God loved me unconditionally, and that I had these walls built up and that I could let them go. At that point, I lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably (remember how I said I didn't cry in front of people and that I kept things to myself? Ya…. Bout that…. There was no holding it back at this point.) once I got myself together, a few of my squad mates had their arms or hands around me. And I started crying again on my squad mates shoulder (I think we cried together like 4 times lol). The speaker the whole time is still talking and walking.
I keep listening and praying, and then I'm like 'I hope, he doesn't call me out'….. (If you don't want that to happen, my word of advice is to not pray to God to not let that happen…. Haha). Well at that point he stops, asks where his girl is at, points at me, and is talking directly to me. (Earlier, he had all the leaders and alumni come up in the front). He calls me out in front of everyone and has me stand in front of Everyone. And he wanted me to just look ahead, and look at all of our leaders and alumni that were there, and take it all in. He wanted me to look into there eyes and to see the faces of everyone that Is praying for me, and that will be along with me on our journey. I couldn't believe he had called me out in front of everyone. I mean, I was a mess. Like the red tear stained face type of mess. But I had such a relief. I felt as if I had a million pounds lifted off my shoulder. I had joy again:)
All of my squad mates, were like, that was insane and intense, and I'm happy at everything that went on. To this day, I'm still amazed at how this complete stranger (who i had literally never seen or talked with him before this session) had seen my heart. This man had the gift of prophecy praying.
God broke me that night. He destroyed my comfort zone. He revealed things in my life that I needed to let go of. He broke me out of my comfort zone, but I wouldn't want it any other way:)
