Lord I ask you to break my heart for what breaks yours. For the first time in my life I truly mean it. I want to know what you feel and how you think. God please break me and make me who I should be.
This has been my prayer for a couple of months now. I feel like I really have received what I have asked for. God has been answering my prayers and speaking to me in ways that are so personal to me. Just another reason I have to be what he has asked of me.
We are currently in Lira, Uganda. Month 7. It was about a year ago that I looked at the world race, applied, interviewed, and quickly got the go ahead. It’s funny how much I want to know what I’ll be doing a year from today so would be able to know what to pray for and what sort of decisions to make for life after the race. But who knew last year I would be here in Africa. God is good.
So back to what I have asked God to open my eyes and heart to, his true feelings and hurts, his heart. This month we are working with Victory Outreach Church with Pastor Johnson. They are a church on a mission they have several churches under their guidance (128) in this country, in the U.K., and in Sudan. I have been involved with the ‘Living Positive’ group at the church which is a group that is affected by HIV AIDS, people that are positive.
The group meets every Friday and some come during the week for counseling, for help with everything from money to help with their kids. The meetings are sort of a support group really. Most of these people have lost hope; others tell their stories in front of the group to encourage or even just to understand each other. This past week we have 5 or 6 people speak about their stories and there was a young girl, Mercy who spoke about being positive and then her mother came on stage and talked about how she is positive as well and that 2 of her 8 daughters are living positive.
I truly feel like I understood the magnitude of HIV. How it hurts and devastates so many lives here in Africa. The lack of education, medicine, healthcare, money, and hope. I almost cried several times but had to reign myself in because what right do I have to be hurt by their hurts that hardly are a part of my own hurts. I guess it took me a minute of prayer later that day to realize I have God’s heart in me. That is why I have always been able to see and feel people’s hurts. I believe I have the redemptive gift of mercy which totally makes sense. We had a speaker at debrief who spoke on these gifts and what sort of traits they all have here are a few I have from my notes on the mercy gift:
· Observant, looks at the world & processes differently
· Emotionally driven
· Doesn’t like confrontation or change
· Sensitive to the spirit
· Problem solver
· Aware of the atmosphere
· Struggles with legitimacy ( feels like they are not doing enough…that they should be doing more for the kingdom….in other words feels when I get to this place or when I see this God will love me)
· Mercy’s are called to bring alignment…praying for healing and alignment in people, places or situations
· King David in the biblical example of a mercy gift
