Papa,
Please show me this week the kind of relationship you want to have with me. Show me that you are more than a distant supporter, a loving encourager without action, and more than one who just provides for me. Those things are good and much appreciated, but Daddy, I know that you’re more. I know you’re the best friend my heart desires. I know that you want an alive and true relationship with me that exceeds any of my expectations, and is deeper than anything I know. Show me. Reveal to me. Blow me away, tear down my walls. Close the distance between us. I ask you with an eager heart, show me how to have the relationship you want us to have.
Morning one of training camp, after packing up our tents from the night before, this was my prayer to God. This is the first entry in my new journal for the week. And let me tell you…. God answers prayers y’all!!
As I reflect over this past week it’s hard for me to sum up and describe how incredibly wild it all was, especially in one blogpost. So I am going to break it into a few that I will post throughout this week. I don’t know how much you know about photography, but if I were to relate this week to anything, without a doubt, it would be that.
Exposure, exposure, exposure, exposure, exposure.
Without exposure, a photograph ceases to exist. Without exposure, we kind of cease to exist as well. God exposed a TON of things to me this past week. Both about Him and about me as well. He is my creator, so I don’t know why I was so surprised when He knew things about me that I didn’t even know. If you look up the definition of exposure, here’s what you’ll find:
The act of revealing or unmasking.
Presentation to view in an open and public manner.
Disclosure as of something private or secret.
So here’s the thing, when God wanted to expose something to me and it was between me and Him, I was comfortable with that, but this week wasn’t about me being comfortable (in any way shape or form.) As soon as He revealed to me a weakness, an insecurity, a fear, or a hurt, he quickly said “okay, now go expose that to your squad” WHHATTT!?!?! You’re joking right?? To be brutally honest…. I was scared shitless! (for lack of a better word) 😉
It turns out He wasn’t joking, and I did have to share with my squad a lot more than I was willing. I told them how I fall into holding superficial relationships because I’m afraid of digging deep into people. I told them that my relationship or lack of, with my dad actually has affected me more than I thought it ever did.
As quickly as God revealed these things to me, I had to just as quickly reveal them to my squad. Yes, it was frightening, yes it made me want to puke, and yes I thought it was going to kill me! But you guys… the SECOND it came out of my mouth, I felt lighter. There was so much relief, so much joy, so much freedom. And, I know it’s crazy to believe but, I didn’t die!!!! 😉
As a photographer, you expose things out of hope for awareness, or you expose the things you find beauty in. God doesn’t put us on the spot and reveal to us our weaknesses so we can suffer and hold anxiety over them, but so that we are aware in order that we can expose them further so that we may grow, and because regardless of what our weaknesses are… He still finds beauty in us.
