I joined the party scene pretty much as soon as I went to college. It was the typical “sheltered girl moved far away from home” type of thing that you hear about all the time. But not too far into college, this was all that defined me. I got voted onto student government because everyone knew me but not in a good way.
My roommates and I drank ALL the time, we hooked up with random people, we were party girls. This lasted the entire time I was at my first college. When I came home, it was a similar story. My friends and I would always meet new people and just party all the time.
This was my identity. The first identity that I had other than in high school when I was just “the smart girl” or the “goody two shoes”. I was sick of being “the smart girl”. I wanted to be popular. I wanted lots of friends and lots of attention from boys. (I was kind of a late bloomer when it came to dating so in high school, boys never looked at me unless they needed help with their homework.) It got to the point where if I went to church at all, I was hungover and my “friends” could not find out.
I often got asked questions like “what, are you religious or something?” My closest friends knew my heart and knew where I stood but the NEW friends I was making had no idea. I hated the word ‘religious’. It made me sound like I had some sort of disease or something so I always said no. I didn’t want to be questioned and I for sure didn’t want any reputation that was outside of the norm in these circles.
I maintained going to church camp and catching whatever mission trip I had enough money for but it seemed so fake. I loved camp and I loved helping people but I felt like such a hypocrite. How was I going to be all in and teach people about Jesus for one week, then go home and continue the same lifestyle as if nothing happened. I hated being this way but I did not know how to escape the pattern.
Eventually, I surrendered and accepted that I WAS indeed a child of God and I was not going to be ashamed of my religion anymore. I began going to Bible studies and really focusing on my relationship with God. I also learned for the first time that it is not just a religion but a relationship (which I had never heard before but it fit so well).
Do I still party? Yes I do. But I don’t go out looking to get trashed of hook up. I go out and hangout with my closest friends. I go out and laugh and sing karaoke and act like a fool. I will enjoy a drink or two but I do not go overboard like I used to. I am no longer entitled a “party girl” and I LOVE it. People come up to me and ask me questions about the world race and how I got involved. People ask me about Jesus and I love it. I have a new identity.
