Surround yourself with 57 people who absolutely love the Lord. Who are passionate about bringing Kingdom to Earth. Sounds like a dream right? That’s what I thought too. So why is it that two months into this race I’ve felt more inadequate than ever?
The Lord has taken me on an incredible journey this past year preparing me for the worldrace. I learned about myself, who I am in Christ, what things I’m good at and not good at, my strengths and weaknesses. I was comfortable, confident and ready to conquer. I knew coming on the race there would be people who would be gifted way beyond anything I could ever dream of but, I didn’t think that The Father would make 4th generation N squad such a powerhouse. I noticed my feelings of inadequacy in India but I don’t think I realized how much of a tight grip comparison physically had on my life.
We got to Vietnam three days ago for a leadership development “weekend” and I finally confessed to my team that I’ve been struggling with feeling inferior to them. They loved and encouraged me but I knew that I needed the Lord to speak into this feeling of inferiority. The next night we had a gathering where we let the Holy Spirit lead. My squadmate played guitar and I sunk deep into my chair in expectancy to hear the Lord’s voice. I began begging and pleading to the Father to hear something. Staring at the wall I noticed these plants hanging. So I read through John 15. Partly because it’s my favorite bible passage and partly because it’s talking about vines – which is what I was staring at.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit…” John 15:5
I began to stare back at the 4 different pots and compared them. One was small. It had very little coming out of it. One looked like what I would imagine your average wall plant would look like. And one was so grown it practically touched the floor. As I sat there looking back and forth at the characteristics of these plants the Lord began to speak to me.
We as the body of Christ are a lot like those plants. We’re different sizes, different lengths and maybe we’re even in completely different pots. Some are growing longer and faster than others while some need a lot of pruning to grow even an inch. But that wall would look emptier if any part of those plants were missing.
So often I think we blame our lack of giftedness for our lack of growth. We beg, bargain and pout to God because we don’t get what we want or that we’re not as talented as someone else. But the reality is that very few times are we ever direct with God with what we want in the first place. I took an honest look at my prayer life (or even my life in general) and began to realize I’m really not good at asking for what I want. I want to be given things because people think I deserve them.
If we look at the story of the healing pool in John 5, the man had been lying there for 38 years and what’s the first thing Jesus does when He learns of the man’s condition? He asks him “Do you want to be well?”.
If it were me, I’d be like “Well duh bro. If you had been lying here for 38 years you’d want up too.” But Jesus makes him use his voice. And sure, maybe the guy just complained, but at least he finally said something.
What I’m discovering in my battle with comparison is that we actually need each other. Comparison doesn’t have a stronghold on me when I go to my teammates and confess that I feel inadequate compared to them and that I need to be reminded of the truth. There is so much power in being apart of the vine. Instead of looking like the pot that’s empty I get to look like the pot that’s growing and bearing fruit. God has so much more for you and I than an empty, underdeveloped pot. He wants the vines to grow and be strengthened. He wants to make a wildfire out of them that will spread Kingdom across the Earth. A fire may be able to start with just one spark, and maybe that spark is you, but you need lots of wood if you want to actually keep the fire going.
I made a choice last night.
I’m leaving behind my empty, underdeveloped, failed attempts at a self sustained garden and choosing to be apart of the wildfire.
Because I want to see Kingdom come.
Please be praying for me and my team as we prepare to do Ask The Lord ministry this month. Ask The Lord means that we have no assigned ministry or ministry host. Vietnam is a closed country but we’re ready to bring a little bit of Kingdom.
