For Girls Only…

It's okay. You don't have to put on a front. I have been you. So many times I catch myself realizing I still am you. I understand your loneliness. 

I know what it feels like to go to every homecoming dance alone. I know what it's like when Valentine's Day rolls around once again informing the world you are, yes, still single. I know what it feels like to watch everyone get flowers from their boyfriends after the recital when your flowers are from your parents. I know what it feels like to sit at home on a Saturday night watching reruns or throwing in a Disney movie because its date night and you don't have a date. i know what it's like to be the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel. 

I also know what it feels like to have the boyfriend and parade around with him. I know what it feels like to have an automatic date to the concert or movie night or work dinner. I know what it's like to get the flowers, have the reservations, and the perfect dress on Valentine's Day, but it still doesn't feel like enough. I know what its like to be the one who got flowers sent to the office. I know what it feels like when you are still at home on Saturday night watching reruns because he's at the UFC fight. I know what it's like to be the 2nd wheel in a 3rd wheel situation.

I have lived in both worlds… 

…and they are both incredibly lonely. 

I know the single girls are lonely, dreaming that if only they had Mr. Right, they wouldn't feel this way anymore. 
I know the dating girls are lonely, wondering why even when their Mr. Perfect is romantic, they still feel empty and alone.

As little girls we dream about marriage. I was just reading in my devotional yesterday how as little girls we would play pretend. In the scenario, one girl would "get to" be the bride and everyone else would "have to" be a bridesmaid. Disney movies tell us from the age of four that the culmination of our lives is our wedding day. When we have ours, we will have finally arrived; the villain will be defeated, we will have been saved by Prince Charming and we will live happily ever after.

This slowly translates to our real life, building expectations for our lives. We imagine that when we find Mr. Right, our every need will be met and we’ll always feel loved. But until that day, we are unloved, under-appreciated, and unnoticed; perpetually lonely. Every where we turn, movies, music, friends, even Christian circles, tell us we need to be on the fast track to marriage; we must find Mr. Right now because then our lives will be better. 

And we believe it. 

Singer Ingrid Michaelson put it this way,

"They say you're really not somebody
Until somebody else loves you
Well, I am waiting to make somebody
Somebody soon"

We want to be wanted, to be loved, to be somebody. We think having a 'him' will fix all our problems. We grow up believing that having a 'him'  is the solution. That's what everything around us has taught us. Finding a 'Him' becomes the focus of all our whole life. We might not even notice the build up, but suddenly we look back and realize every plan we have made revolves around finding and being with Mr. Right. We are just waiting to finally start life upon finding him. Yet, if we finally find our 'him,' and he can not love us like God, our healer, problem solver, and perfect lover, as we expected him to be, we are completely let down.  

You see, our 'him' cannot be God, because he simply isn't.

Only God can be God. 

1 John 4:19 states, "We love because He first loved us." Our longing to feel loved, appreciated, noticed, pursued, and unique can only come from Jesus.  Our longing for those things is a longing for God. The 'him' you are waiting on simply cannot satisfy all those needs for you; only Jesus can. Jesus loves better than any man ever can or will because He IS love.

God is a God of love; He is love, He created it, and He lavishes it upon us. 

He’s ready to love, ready to fulfill, ready to make us whole. Become full in Christ first because above all, we are in desperate need of Christ. It is only when our spiritual needs are fully met that we can even think about finding our 'him.' 

So beautiful, beloved, worthy, pursued, daughter of the King, I have a few things to share with you. You can choose to listen or ignore them. These are just some things I wish I would have listened to years ago. Some of the things I still have to remind myself of today. 

1. Everyone, is in fact, not getting married. I promise. It may not seem like that considering every time you log into Facebook, but really, you are exactly where the Lord wants you. 
2. Biblically, you are not promised a husband, so don't act like you are. Enjoy life today, exactly the way it is. 
3. Take advantage of this sweet season of life. Enjoy girls' nights and not getting made fun of for watching Rom Coms, enjoy eating the homemade cookies you baked instead of having a boyfriend who eats them all. Do something crazy! 
4. Fall madly in love with Jesus before you ever look to a boy to fill that God-sized hole in your heart. Do whatever it takes to seek Him, because He is ready to romance you. This year, I am on a year long honeymoon with Jesus. He has taken me to the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
5. Its okay to not have it all together. In fact its better that way. When you act like you have it all together, it's just intimidating. Just be you, whoever  you are and be real about where you are.

1. Just because you are dating doesn't mean you are going to get married, so don't get ahead of yourself. I know it is necessary to plan your future a little bit, but stop writing yours. Let God be the author of your love story and the planner of your future.
2. Balance your time. Your relationship is important, but so are your girl friends. Just because its Saturday night doesn't mean it's date night. Spend an evening baking with girl friends. You don't want to end up engaged and have no one to be your bridesmaids or broken hearted with no friends to turn to.
3. Don't have a photoshoot with your boyfriend. I know the photos are "harmless" and fun, but you know as well as everyone else that you are taking engagement photos without the ring. You are telling your heart that your relationship is somewhere it actually isn't. 
4. Keep your standards HIGH. We serve a God of abundance, of great plans, and generosity; so don't doubt Him or become impatient. Living a life totally in love serving Jesus is much better than a life of a lukewarm marriage. 
5. PUT JESUS FIRST. ALWAYS. His love is the most important; your romantic relationship can only come from the overflow of your relationship with Jesus. If ever your relationship is taking you away from Jesus, get away and reevaluate. If you are in a "good Christian relationship," and Jesus is calling you out of it, it is okay. You didn't fail or mess up. Stay true to your first love.

This blog has been a long time in the making. It includes ideas from other blogs I have read, because well, there are other women out there who know what they are talking about, who have encouraged me and who just said it well already…

http://kateelizabethconner.com/ten-things-i-want-to-tell-teenage-girls/
http://www.jcaro.com/on-singleness/