I like to think about love and I like to think about it a lot. I like to think about how much I love my friends and family and I like to think about all the great things I could do for the world because I love it so much. I’m slowly learning, however, to stop thinking about love and start loving. Love itself is quite different from the fantasy. This love is messy and quite unquantifiable. This love compels me to stop lamenting the tragedy of poverty and kneel down to wash dirty faces and hold dirty hands. Having real relationships means I have fishhooks in my heart and I shake my fist at the skies. But I won’t go back to my prim and proper manageable love. I know that changing lives is reserved for those who love in the midst of the grittiness of life, with holes in their heart that leak compassion. I am no longer afforded the luxury of indifference. This love hurts a whole lot more but it also means a lot more, too.
I was welcomed with open arms, encouragement, and curious friends and family that I had longed to see for quite a while. It was one dream after the other.
There is some small inclination a tiny whisper in my head that lead me to believe that I was never be whole again; parts of me will be over here, underneath there, and to the left of that. I am simply a moment interwoven among stories of homes, families, and memories of others. However there is a voice in my head that utters something more powerful than a thought, there is a voice that daily reminds me of truth. I am not just a minor character in others’ stories, a fleeting moment, but a beautiful creation of God. I am a story, and at that a story worth telling. There is a Lord that is writing a story with my life that includes so many people, so many places. In all the heart break of goodbyes, there’s a prospect of saying hello, there is more of my own story to be lived, more of our stories to be intertwined. On the cusp of every new day I want to know more about the universal creator. To see the incredible story that will unfold before my eyes, and learn to appreciate the author in new and more profound ways.
As I traveled I was changed and I just wanted to take the time to thank you all for supporting me, for loving me, and for all of the times that you’ve prayed for me and my team. You created life and stories and by simply trusting in a God who uses young and unqualified people you taught me what it means to have a heart of faith. You’ve taught me a lot about the heart of Christ who believes in us before we deserve it.
I cry tears of joy when I am reminded of the race, that I was a part of something bigger than myself and it was something I cannot put words to. And I’m so thankful I am in this place. The place where I don’t necessarily fit in to daily conversations, where I still have habits many people don’t understand, and I may not remember all of the details and joy of the past season, but I know that I have today to keep dreaming God dreams like I did a year ago. Everyday is simple, love well. So thank you, I am here, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.
