Lately I have had a messy mind. And I feel God is calling me to share a part of it with you, and I am sorry if you do not understand it, I don’t really understand it either. Sometimes I am frustrated with myself for not being able to understand myself, maybe some of you feel the same way, but now I smile about it because it means our Creator was intentional when He made you and me.
Our God is a God of more complexity, purpose, and love than I give Him credit for. Sometimes I’ll long for more depth in my life in fear I have missed some of the most beautiful parts, like all of the complexity of colors in the flowers here in Thailand, the soft voice of a friend or the loud barks of territorial dogs at night right outside our apartment, the vastness and motion of our galaxy that goes on forever and never stops, the curiosity that drives my inmost being, and the artist behind creation beautifully thought out and displayed. I have never stopped too much to think about those things, maybe you have, and if you do it gets messy.
God is teaching me so much through these things. But, here I have also seen selflessness in children who do not even know what selflessness is, so much humility in ones who were only shown pride, the richness of faith when brokenness is all they knew and hope is all that’s left. I have come in contact with all of these things and all of these people and there is no intellectual explanation, the conclusion is God’s intentionality in all of His creation. When we are messy, He calls us beautiful. He is rare love and I want to embrace it when I do not understand it and know it is okay to not understand all of these things I have seen this week.
Tears fill my eyes and chills cross my body when He breaks down walls. He’s drawn me close and I know that all is about Him, everything is about His character and undeniable story about a love the whole world is desperate to know, a love I can share, a love that I’ve experienced and that is enough. I’m beautifully lost in Him, fascinated by Him, and intrigued by Him.
Like I said it’s messy. I am not sure why God had me share this with you, but I am humbled to say I do not have all the answers. Currently, I am clinging to the song “True Love” by Phil Wickham and it’s incredible. I highly encourage listening to it on repeat! Ministry updates to come soon, teaching English is winding down, preaching and testimony sharing is picking up, and we are soon to start painting Pastors house!
“Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us
The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven’s Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died
Search your heart you know you can’t deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us
The Earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt The Fathers broken heart
Tears were filling Heaven’s Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died
Now, Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Oh, He is alive
He rose again
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died
Come close listen to the story”
